Last week Justice Terry Connolly, a prominent Canberra judge, passed away from a heart attack on a morning bike ride up Red Hill. He was 49. He left behind two teenage daughters and a grieving wife.
When someone dies young it causes us to stop in our tracks and wonder. Did he do everything he wanted to do in his life? Did he die happy? And then thoughts turn to our own life: if I were to check out tomorrow, would I be happy with my life? Would there be any regrets?
These kinds of events, death and illness, are a call to savour precious moments. They remind us we never know how much time we have left on the planet. All we have is the moment we’re in. And this is the secret to happiness: it is the mind that makes that moment a heaven or a prison.
When I start working with a new client they sometimes feel imprisoned by circumstances. They want to change the job, the relationship, or the neighbour’s barking dog. They soon discover however, none of these are the real cause of suffering; it is their thoughts about the job, the relationship, or the dog that cause the suffering.
This is good news. You can’t change anything or anyone else, but you can change how you think and feel.
This is the tricky part: how do you change a belief that you’ve held close for so long? Some people are so attached to their beliefs that they wear them like a badge of honour. They display them proudly, a raison d’etre. Take for example, an angry young man I met recently. We’ll call him Doug for fun.
Doug told me, “All business owners are thieving bastards.” He said a great many other things about the state of the economy, the rich getting richer, the unfairness of workplace legislation, and so on. He was really worked up about it: red-faced, gesticulating, and grimaces. When I suggested that if he changed his focus and challenged this belief about nasty business people that he might have a different experience, he looked horrified. “But it’s the truth!” he said.
Yes, it is. But it’s his truth, not mine. I don’t believe that business owners are out to screw the punters and wring them for all their worth; I believe that business people intend to offer products and services of value to their customer, that they care about the quality of their work, and generally want to help people get what they need. As a result, my interactions with business people are delightful, engaging, and supportive, while Doug’s are full of complaints, disappointments, and getting ripped off.
Doug would not question his beliefs about business because this would mean challenging his own sense of purpose. With no corruption to denounce, what would he do with himself? Well, he could enjoy his life a little more for one. He could create something positive to share with the world that brings joy instead of anger. However Doug could not yet see there could be purpose in peace instead of suffering.
And if it was Doug who pushed himself up that hill on his bike and fell to the ground, would he be happy with his life? Could he look back with gratitude, peace, and fulfilment?
When I put myself in that position, roadside and looking at the end, I want to feel that I enjoyed every second, that I loved myself, I loved my life, I cherished each day as a special gift. I don’t want to lie there thinking, “I wasted all that time feeling miserable about that darn dog.”
There’s only one way to free myself from regret: forgive myself of any past anger, resentment, and fears and end the suffering. I choose thoughts and beliefs that feel good, and guess what? They bring experiences that also feel good. What I sow, I reap.
Please, don’t let yourself suffer for one moment longer. Challenge the beliefs that cause anger and sadness, and choose new ones that bring joy and freedom. Life is all too short: let yours be sweet.
ZoëP.S. If you know someone out there who needs this article, please send it to them.
Springtime wattle - photo by Rob
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