3 Secrets For An Awesome Relationship

Seems to be the season for relationship break downs around here. I've got a few friends moving like molasses through the pain of separation. I am sad for them, and yet I know there is good stuff lying in wait around the corner.

For my husband Rob, who is a divorce lawyer, and who was divorced himself before we met, it's always the season, day in day out. I figured if anyone might know the secrets to a good relationship, it might be him - someone who sees what doesn't work every day. 

Plus I've been told many times over that our marriage is the source of much inspiration for others. We have a GREAT relationship! So here are some insights from our respective experiences.

1. "Families who play together stay together." This is Rob's #1 top secret to a successful relationship. What he means is that you enjoy each other's company, that you have some common interests, that you have adventures together. That's why we go on skiing trips, go body boarding in the surf, go running together, watch movies, play with the chickens and hang out together. We like each other's company.

2. Enjoy your respective 'boy time' and 'girl time'. We hang out together, but we don't live our lives in each other's pockets. Rob plays tennis with the boys on Wednesdays and Sundays and I get facials, massages, and this weekend I'm going for high tea with the girls. Bring it on. 

3. You don't divorce your best friend. Rob asked me, 'how many times in your life have you ditched a best friend?' Stumped me. My closest friends are still my closest friends, even though we are continents apart and don't see each other often. There's a sense of unconditional support and appreciation, a non-judgment of best friends that holds the relationship together. Apply this to your own intimate relationship.

I promised you three, but I'm on a roll now, so here are a few more:

4. Always speak your truth. If something is niggling, bring it up. Do this before your head explodes with all the imagined responses and twists and excuses and other crapola that your imagination can drum up.

5. Acknowledge that you are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Sure it's easier to be around someone who is tip toeing through the tulips every day, but you cannot make them happy - they have to do that for themselves. You can't love someone enough to make them happy. They've got to do that - from the inside out. Your job is to tend your own happiness, your own focus, your own emotional vibration - that is something YOU can control, so focus on that. Bonus: your joie  de vivre will tend to rub off on others.

6.Stop needing them to change. Are there things about Rob's behaviour I don't like? Sure. Like when he leaves the toilet seat up. Grrrr... He says, "I put the lid down as much as much as you close the door to the outside when the heater is on." So if you're going to point fingers, they get pointed back. Focus instead on appreciating what you do like - like the way he brings me flowers from the office every Friday. I LOVE that!

7.Create your own rituals, inside secrets, and family culture. All the examples I can think of are adults-only. Except for maybe the 'tea top up' command which means, "please can you show me  that you love me by filling up my tea cup and really I am too lazy to do it for myself" or singing the 'clean-up song' we learned from my niece's day care as the signal for, 'let's do this boring task together and make it fun by acting like two-year olds'. (Did that sound as dorky as I think it does? Well I guess that's the point - we give ourselves permission to act a little like dorks and have some fun together, even with the mundane daily tasks).

8. Tell each other why you love each other, and why you like each other. Saying 'I love you' and then following it with 'because...' keeps the juicy parts of your relationship alive and fresh and bubbling. Kind of like a sourdough starter - you've got to keep feeding it.

9. Love you, and your life, on your own. You do not need anything or anyone or anywhere to make you feel good. All you need is the power of your focus, the direction of your attention. And the more you can do that, for yourself, in any given circumstances, the more you'll feel free. You'll fill with the joys of spring and every day will glisten with weekend delight. You will radiate compassion and sexiness and mojo galore. You'll be so filled with love that you will overflow with it, inviting others to play at your party. And that will fill your cup of love even more.

That's a short list - I would LOVE to hear your tips on relationships that rock your socks. Please leave a comment and let me know YOUR secrets.

Me and my honey on a bushwalk

Putting FUN on your task list

Richard Branson has always espoused that fun was an integral, if not fundamental, aspect of any business undertaking.

Not fun as in be silly, or reckless, but fun as in completely absorbed, exhilarated with what you're doing, feeling in the flow and high vibing it through your day.

This is from the man who once wore nothing but a plastic mobile phone covering his dignity to launch Virgin Mobile.

Silly or fun? Hmm, maybe both.

More fun sounds good to me! But if you could have more of just one the following, what would YOU choose?

• More money
• More adventure
• More freedom
• More sex
• More fun

A recent survey of my clients indicated that the one thing they would like more of - more than money, freedom, sex, adventure - was FUN.

Well blow me down with a feather. I was hedging bets on 'adventure', 'freedom' and a sure thing on 'money'. But no, it was fun that won out.

Seems we are a community sadly lacking in engagement, exhilaration and laughs.

How did we start taking ourselves so seriously?

C'mon people, life is for LIVING - not wiling away the hours until we can collapse on the weekend.

I hereby declare a mandate for Fun being listed as the top priority on your task list.

But you don't DO fun, you HAVE fun.

And incredibly, some people struggle to define how to have fun.

So let's get the ball rolling. What is your idea of fun?

Here are a few to get us started: swimming in the ocean, Friday night pizza and beers, a walk in the morning when the sun comes up, laughing uncontrollably (check out Damn You Auto Correct for help on this one), dancing in the supermarket aisles (especially if it embarrasses your partner), in fact, dancing wildly at any inopportune moments fits the bill nicely, reading in bed, a good tickle fight, chasing chickens, taking photos, playing with dogs, eating way too much chocolate, that first sip of beer on a warm summer's day.

I could go on, but I want YOUR inspiration! List your top three ways to have fun!

3 Secret Strategies for Magnetic Rapport

To be a successful leader, you need sound rapport. But how do you get it when some folks just drive you bonkers?

It's not easy when someone can make your toes curl just by the way they smile.

But trust me, you can develop good rapport with anyone using these three secret strategies.

We're going to go one better than simply getting along with people, we're going to share how to create magnetic rapport. Rapport that wraps people in a bubble of loveliness and lures the angels to strum their harps and cherubs to chirp.

Let's do it!

1. It's all about YOU! 
You got to love yourself so hard you can hardly keep from smooching yourself all over. It's not about being narcissistic or self-indulgent, it's about having that MOJO that rocks the house. The kind of magic that says, "heck ya I am uber awesome".

When you have that kind of internal resonance and high beam of feel-good, people are naturally drawn to you. Don't you like to hang out with people who have that inner glow of "all is right with the world and my place in it". (for tips on how to get this kind of rock-star confidence got to Get Wealthy Healthy Hot).

2. It's all about THEM! 
You've got to love the patooties out of the other person. I don't mean love as in starry eyed romantic mushiness, I mean deep and profound compassion and acceptance.

If you find yourself judging someone else or their choices or their behaviour or the colour of their socks, then you're off the mark. Magnetic you are not. Prickly and disdainful you might be.

This is a toughie, folks, it means giving up your addiction to judgments - of making people right or making them wrong. (or making yourself right or wrong for that matter).

One handy trick is that next time you feel yourself making a snigger, or criticising, or putting someone down, or disliking them, or getting irritated, try stepping back for a moment and noticing your tendency to fill the space with negativity. Instead of, "they are really getting up my nose" try this instead: "That's interesting..."

It's a good circuit breaker to get you back in the vicinity of complete acceptance and compassion.

3. Embrace with light.
As you listen to someone, really listen. Absorb all of who they are as they tell their story, feel their energetic vibe, the unique marvel of a creation that is the full sum of who they are.

You can imagine a white golden light settling around you, holding the two of you in sacred communion of having a shared experience.

Kind of makes the water cooler conversations more interesting, doesn't it?

What about you? What do you do to build great rapport? What have you noticed about folks you love hanging around with? What is it about them that makes them magnetic? Please share!

#1 Leadership Priority: Vibrational Hygiene

There's one key thing you need to look after first, each day.

Your team?

No.

Your task list?

No.

Your family?

No.

Your emails?

Definitely not.

Your #1 priority is YOU.

More specifically, your focus, and hence your feelings.

Yes, friends, your personal feelings are your #1 priority each and every day.

Your feelings are your vibrational signature and this is what determines ALL of your results - from relationships with colleagues, team, clients, friends family to sales and winning business.

You know this to be true, right? Think of your worst bad mood - how much did you accomplish that day? I reckon not much. Or if you did get results, I'll bet it was bloody hard work.

There is an easier way.

So what options do we have for managing our feelings each morning? Along with brushing your teeth, try a little vibrational hygiene.


Here's my routine:

• Before I leap out of bed and head to the gym, I give my life a big dose of appreciation. I bask and revel in all the fabulous goodies I've got going on. Plus cuddle the hubby.
• Next, after my cup of tea, I indulge in a bit of Abraham-Hicks meditation which whisks me into deep, relaxed lala land.
• Then I visualise what I'm creating next and go all goose-pumpy with excitement.
• And lastly I read through my affirmations for a rev up.

Then to the kitchen for my pre-workout egg white omelette and oats. Yum-scrum!

If you've got a vibrational hygiene routine that works for you, please share! I love getting new tips.

Juicy Prosperity Affirmations

I've been fielding a few prosperity and abundance questions lately, and so felt inspired to share some electric affirmations that can help amp up the vibe around money - and ask for your suggestions too!

Remember to get into the Vortex (feel good) first - and then say your affirmations. Lead with feelings always.

Affirmations for Amping Up Abundance
Big gobs of free easy money are flowing to me now!
I am in the constant resonance with prosperity and abundance.
I love money and money loves me.
I am swimming in an ocean of abundance.
I am completely deserving of massive wealth.
As I serve others abundance flows in my life.
The world is an abundant and friendly place.
I've got celestial friends in 'High places' - and they are ready and willing to help me anytime.
I am gracious and grateful for all the massive blessings I am experiencing and have already experienced.
I am Awesome and money loves my Awesomeness.
Money reflects my inner vibration - the more I feel good, the more it dances with me.
Attracting money is easy.
Money is the tip I get from the Universe for living my purpose and feeling outrageously glorious.
I attract clients who love what I do and value my work as it serves their higher purpose.
I am a magnetic money machine!
Money greases the wheel of service and contribution and I welcome it now.

Afformations
These questions are a great way of recruiting the servile unconscious brain to amp up your prosperity and abundance magnet.

How did I get so wealthy?
How am I so abundant each day?
How do I attract such fabulous high-paying clients who love what I do?
How do I magnetise so much incredible wealth in my life?
How do I tap into this feeling of incredible awesomeness and success each day?
How do I keep feeling outrageously fabulous day after day?
What did I do to get so lucky?
Why do I find it so easy to attract wealth and abundance?
Why does money love me so much?
Why do clients love what I do so much?

Got some more? Let's hear them! Let's make this a powerful list we can all enjoy :)

Spanking and Other Customer Service Tips

It started off badly. I took a phone call from a sales rep who talked really quickly and wanted me to sign up on the spot for the unbelievably-amazing-super-duper-offer. My spider senses were tingling, and I backed off and used the great pause button, "I must talk with my husband."

Not taking 'no' for an answer she persisted - "Shall I call him for you?" (got to admire that kind of tenacity!) I had a pretty good idea of what he might say to that ('bugger off' comes to mind). So I refused and she promised to ring me back the next day to get an answer.

Rob's response was what I expected, "they're all schemers and scammers". (He's a lawyer - they are suspicious of everybody!) But we agreed if the deal included discounts on hotels in Canada and the US, then we were in. Ok I could handle that.

After more to-ing and fro-ing, I agreed to sign up on the proviso that I had a ten day 'cooling off' period.

But I had a weird doubtful expectation - Rob's pessimism was wearing off on me and I was wondering if I really had been scammed...(and since I know that we get what we expect I shouldn't have been all that surprised with what happened next).

The package turned up, and sure enough it wasn't what I thought I had bought. (And because they don't send you any written info on the package all I had was my rough notes). So I rang up to clarify. It turns out there were no discounts on US and Canadian hotels, but there was a frequent visitor points system thing I could redeem overseas. Since the whole reason we agreed was for the discounts, I felt I had bought something under false pretences.

The very helpful customer service dude assured me someone on the sales team would get back to me within three days to see if they could help me out further.

Two weeks later, and two weeks of Rob pestering, "have those schemers rung you back yet?", nothing.

By now, I was pretty keyed up over the whole thing. I was bracing myself for a fight. Clearly they didn't want to honour the agreement.

Long story short, after several conversations with the customer service rep, and then the sales rep, and then back to customer service, my blood was boiling and I was ready to maim small rodents and gnaw chicken turds with the angst.

Knowing there was no possible resolution in this state of mind, I looked for ways to shift the vibe. So I turned to facebook (ok not ideal strategy to vent your spleen on facebook, but I was desperate for a shift.) I made a general appeal for advice:

"Experiencing extremely poor customer service from a hotel service company -am extremely frustrated!!! Trying to shift the vibe - any tips? (I just want to wring their necks and spank them!)"

And that's when the miracle occurred.

As soon as I wrote 'spank them', I had a little giggle. The image of spanking the sales rep was pretty silly - and pretty far from kick-down-doors-foot-stomping-rage I had just moments before.

That was my doorway out of the feel-bad vibe.

It was only a toenail crack opening in the door of my resistance, but that's all I needed to pivot and change direction.

And then the customer manager called me (I had forgotten all about them as I was laughing about the suggestion from a friend I could spank them instead). The customer manager was kind, helpful, friendly, understanding, compassionate, apologetic, and gave me what I wanted - the refund.

Ahhhh....relief.

So this is where I bring all the learning all together (in case you were wondering about the spanking analogy):

1. Monitor your expectations. I picked up Rob's vibe that all telemarketers were out to rip you off, and I didn't set a better intention instead. ("I only attract people and services that are for my highest good' might have been better).

2. If caught in a funky situation, notice where you are contributing to it. Part of me was loving the drama, the gearing up for an altercation, of being the hero in my own story, good guy versus big corporate bad guy...

I've done drama enough to know that it ends with everyone losing an eye. Or at least a bit of ego. Good reason to try another approach, and let go of fuelling the fire.

3. If stuck in bad-vibe funk-out, shift it! For me it was the use of the word 'spank'. The response on facebook added to my feel-better vibe - the conversation is still going! Right now we're spanking Brad Pitt and Tony Abbott. Haha! I don't even care about the incident anymore, the spanking convo is hilarious!

And that's when you can let the good stuff in - when you are feeling good. Not when you are pushing for a result, or struggling or battling.

And my other customer service tip: if someone wants a refund, just give it to them. You'll do far more to keep the goodwill by honouring their request than trying to keep the sale.

Coach's Challenge:

Whose expectations are you picking up? Where are you getting hooked by drama? How can you shift the vibe? If you've got other vibe-shifters, please share them with me!

The One Thing You MUST Do Before Planning Next Year

And that thing is...

To review this year!

Sounds obvious, but have you done it yet?

We get so caught up with going from one thing to the next we forget to savour what we have already achieved.

So it's time for some reflection, and some pat-on-the-back action.

Here are some good journal questions to guide you:

• What was the theme of the year? What was the overall flavour of the year?
• Identify your Kodak moments - those times that were fabulous, brilliant and you'd like to capture forever.
• Record your successes in your journal. These could be anything from hitting record sales, to meeting your fitness goals, to feeling fantastic, to spending quality time with your kids. whatever it is, make sure you write it down.
• Highlights/lowlights. Everything is energy, and everything fluctuates - including the energy of your life, creating peaks and troughs. The good news is that once you make note of these, you'll learn how to move through the lows much more easily, knowing that another peak is to be expected.
• What did you learn this year? Life is about growth - what did you learn about yourself, others, technical skills, professional skills, your family?
• Who did you meet? This is a fun one! You probably met more people than you realise! Make note of these.
• Did you meet your goals – why or why not?
• What are you most proud of?

With these notes in hand you can put this year to bed, wish it goodnight, and prepare to welcome the dawn.

With love and appreciation.

Move From Intentions to Expectations

I've just hired a new prosperity coach to move me fully into 'rock-star' coach status. I've thought about hiring her for a long, long time.

But I got caught up in my own stumbling blocks: it's a lot of money, do I really need this, will it really work.

Plus the deeper ones that I don't like to look at much: am I worth it? how can I justify this? Shouldn't I be able to do this on my own?

Boy - that's a lot of self-punishment there! All designed to keep me in struggle, in old patterns of belief and inaction.

So I bit the bullet, guided by intuition, and made the first appointment - a week or so from now.

My intention in hiring her was to let go of self-doubt, and allow more abundance and prosperity in my life.

Seeing as she's the Money Coach expert, my intention, once I had contacted her, became an expectation. I just know it's going to make a huge difference to my results.

The certainty, the inevitability, of my expectation is loud and clear: this is going to happen, and it is going to work. I fully expect it to, I decided it will - it is! - and now all that was left was to experience it. I know in my bones it is coming to fruition - it's just a question of how and when - but I'm not stressed or worried about it. Just like waiting for my meal at a restaurant, I know it's on its way now that I've made the order.

It's how I felt about my Body Transformation results - I decided, I made a clear intention to follow through and live the results that I wanted, and practised the image in my head over and over until it became an inevitability - an expectation.

Now I'm a significant size smaller, bsuting with energy, and feel awesome. Just like I expected. Actually - even better than I expected!

And get this - after I emailed the coach to sign up, that very day I got an inquiry for my coaching services that would more than makeup for the investment in my coach. AND I hadn't even had my first session with my coach yet!

That's fast. That's how powerful this stuff is, folks!

You are deliberate creator - just give yourself permission to feel the truth of it.

Your Deliberate Creation Homework:

• Make a decision about what you really want.
• Act on that intention - no matter how small - even if it is to write it down as an affirmation.
• Next, rehearse it in your mind's eye until it becomes an expectation.
• Enjoy the process!

With love and appreciation.

Can you be TOO rich, happy, and hot?

I've had a few moments of self-pinching glee this week: new clients, positive results from my medical screens, weight loss continuing. Can it really be this easy and this good?

Yikes! Where did that self-sabotage voice come from? Why shouldn't it be easy? Why couldn't it be this good? What if it only got better and better?

And that's where you'll find old limiting beliefs lurking, ready to bite your ankles as you take another step forward. When it gets good, it gets scary.

Marianne Williamson's oft quoted poem reads, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

Ok so maybe I'm afraid of my 'light'. And maybe I'm afraid of being TOO rich, happy, and hot...

How does that happen?!

It's our ego that worries about change, inventing 'problems' that might come with the good stuff to scare us off and keep us anchored to status quo.

Are there any problems to being more rich, happy and hot? Only the ones you invent of course!

So how do you crack the self-sabotage?

Awareness is the first and easiest strategy. Asking, what problems might happen if I really do get everything on my wish list?

• I might get bored.
• It won't feel worth it if I don't struggle for it. (yowsa - did not know that one was there!)
• What would I do with all that cash? (sheesh - need to spend some time planning expense of millions)
• What would I write about if I wasn't 'overcoming' something? (I really need to change that story!)

Awareness of the inner voice and all its quoibles is often enough to dry the fears up on the spot. It's as though you exposed the roots of troublesome weeds to sunlight and they simply shrivel and wither right then and there.

Next it's about playing with new thoughts and new ideas. Things like,

• What if the less I tried the easier it got?
• How about, the more I enjoy, the more I share and have to say.
• And maybe, I am in constant resonace with abundance and success.

I am soooo liking ease and grace - so much more than struggle and drudgery.

Can you ever be too rich, happy, and hot? Not on my watch!

With love and appreciation.

Feeling Feelings Fully

My great boohoo sobs from last week kicked it all off. No more repressed emotion - it all flooded out.

Yet I know you're 'supposed' to stay 'emotionally controlled' to be an effective leader. They even had 'emotional control' as one of the personal strength criteria when I worked at Outward Bound.

What a bunch of bull crap. You might as well say 'emotionally retarded' as 'emotionally controlled'. When you try to 'control' your emotions you end up suppressing and burying them. And this only leads to twisted and festering energy that causes no end of problems including physical ones.

Emotional mastery is not about 'control', but rather about 'management'. Emotions are not to be feared, ignored, or repressed; emotions are our guidance system - messages from our Higher Self to pay attention to something.

So how do you actually manage them? Emotions after all can be distracting, especially during board meetings.

First, pay attention. Notice where they appear in your body, and what they feel like. Just observe. Don't try to ignore it; this is like trying to keep a pot from boiling over - eventually you'll get burned.

Feel those feelings fully. Give yourself permission to feel all the energy - the whole wild gammut of it - whether it be joy or grief. When you do this, you will let the energy flood your system, and it will soon dissipate.

When I sobbed last week over my IVF news, it was intense. Lots of shaking and snotty blubbing. Very messy. But it was over soon and after an hour I felt relieved - tired, but relieved. And I've been fine ever since. Had I repressed it (yet again) I am sure I would be on edge, distracted, sensitive, and moody.

At a recent graduation where the group remembered a colleague who had passed away this year, the tears streamed down my face. At first I tried to stop them, but then I just let them flow. My body needed to release, and I needed to grieve too. And then I was fine. I wished I had a tissue, but that was ok too.

Life is sweeter when we feel things fully - intense grief is matched by exhilaration and joy. When you feel things fully, you are living fully.

With love and appreciation.

Change The Story

Our IVF clinic is finally ready to move forward with our plans. After waiting a long time. All year in fact.

When I called the clinic to book the next phase of our IVF process, the nurse told me I could have the procedure scheduled within two weeks, I needed to fill out paperwork, check my police records check, get my patient number, book appointments with four secialists (four!), did I want to stay overnight in Melbourne, did I know about the extra fees, had I seen the specialist about X,Y, Z.

By this time all I heard was 'wahh wa wahh wah'. It was too much for me. The tears shot like jets and my head seemed to compress into an underwater tunnel.

The nurse said, "are you ok? What's wrong?" All I could manage was, "I've waited so long for this...boohoohoohoo".

All the year's waiting and frustration was released in that one long messy, snotty, outburst.

I could feel all the old stories of angst bubbling up: 'four specialists? Holy crap - why is everything so much trouble, more delays, more money, why me?' blah blah blah.

But determined not to fall into this trap again, I settled and started a new story: isn't it amazing how many people want to help us have a baby? Isn't it amazing how many doctors have saved my life over the years, all the research in science that has brought us to this point of still being able to have kids in spite of my age and my cancer history, isn' it wonderful that this kid is already soooo wanted, so willed into being, so welcome - that's a lot of love in this world.

And I feel the appreciation of the miracles that were happening for us all around me. I even felt gratitude - gratitude that all the hoops to jump through were about people actually caring enough to help other people, other people loving life enough to do their best to bring a baby into the world.

I still bawled my head off. I'm even getting choked up now thinking about it.

But I am liberated by a new story - no longer the victim of cancer, circumstance, age - instead, lucky champion of a dream that might yet come to be, supported by many dozens of specialists, years of research and scientific advancement, and on truly amazing husband.

I like this story better. And it has transformed the way I think and feel about my life and my fertility experience. No doubt, the results will speak for themselves. But in the meantime, I am soooo much happier.

What stories do you need to change?

With love and appreciation.

Amp Up Your Mojo

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. You only step fully into your personal power when you accept and embrace the notion that you are 100% fully and completely responsible for your life. All of it.

So if you don't like parts of it, guess what? You can change it! And it starts from the inside out.

If you've got clients that annoy you, they're reflecting your expectations of them.

If you've got colleagues that get under your skin, there's something inside of you that they are reflecting and magnifying.

If you don't like your body/looks/clothes/bank balance/health, then the work starts on the inside.

The fastest and easiest way to shift your external world is to amp up your internal one. And this means falling utterly, and completely, in love with YOU.

Yes folks, it's time to amp your Mojo.

If you're asking, 'what Mojo?' then you need this work. NOW.

We've all got Mojo. It's the unique expression of what is fabulous about YOU. And if you don't notice it, and love it, and amp it up, no one else will either.

No one likes limp Mojo.

Ok folks, here's what you do to amp up your Mojo:

List all the things that make you fabulous. Your luscious eyelashes, your groovy hair, the gravelly sound of your voice, the curl of your earlobe, the smell of your toes, the softness of your skin, your creativity, the fact that you can remember 8 phone numbers at once, the award you one last year,your ability to see the good in all humanity, the elgance of your fingernails...

Turn this in to an all out rave and rant about all your best assets, big and small, past and present. You should be feeling absolutely stunning, vivacious, irresistible - you can hardly hold back from wanting to take yourself on a date.

You ought to feel like giving yourself a big smooch and a cuddle, and a wriggle of approval.

You can top off this orgy of self-appreciation and get some more self-love browine points by stripping down to the nuddy and doing your favourite "I'm too sexy for my cat" dance.

Yah babe, you rock! Amp up that Mojo!

With love and appreciation.

High Vibe Words

I love writing! It comes very easily and naturally to me. Luckily my fingers can mostly keep up with what comes through my head, with only the odd weird typo.

Being a writer, words are incredibly important to me: they capture mood, sentiment, meaning, image.

From a Law of Attraction point of view, they create imagery, thus emotional response and hence vibration - and then, your point of attraction. So you need to choose your words carefully.

I've caught often caught myself out using 'colourful' language to add 'drama' to a story. For example, instead of just being tired, I'm exhausted beyond words; instead of being upset, I'm devastated; instead of making a mistake, I made a colossal balls up.

So what's the difference? Exaggeration can be interesting, but it also sends messages to your subconscious. Every thought and every word makes an imprint. You want to be mindful of your language so you can maintain the best-feeling vibe -that's how we get everything on our wish list!

So here's a short list of high vibe words for you to insert into your lexicon:

'How's your day?' Can be responded to with:

Delightful, extraordinary, brilliant, wonderful, amazing, delicious

'How's business?' Can be responded to with:

Lush, fabulous, engaging, rewarding, fascinating

And other excellent words include:

Love, appreciate, grateful, endorse, recognise, contribute, faith, power, strength, shine, twinkle (it's a fun one!), hilarious, gorgeous, stunning, hot, happy, healthy, vibrant...

Your turn! What are your favourite high vibe words?

How to Leverage The Ripple Effect

When we talk about 'making a difference', one of two things happens:

1. Pangs of guilt for not doing enough for charity

or

2. Smug disdain for such a well-worn weasel word over-used by spin doctors.

Personally, if I read one more job ad that encourages you to join the firm and 'make a difference' I think my eyes might roll so far back in my head that they pop my tongue out and cause me to barf up a lung.

What does 'making a difference' or being of service mean to you? Have you got images of soup kitchen line-ups and refugee camps? Or is it something your company has posted on its 'vision/mission' statement? If it's not extreme selflessness a la Mother Theresa, it's a pathetic cliche.

Everyone wants to live a life of significance and meaning. But we get caught up in the mis-guided notion that this only means going out on the front lines and doing the work in the trenches: feeding starving refugees, giving blankets to the homeless, and patching up shell-shocked civilian casualties in third world hot spots.

Let's be clear - I'm not saying charity interventions are not important. I support the Red Cross and other charities in their humanitarian work. This kind of work is important becuse it alleviates suffering and offers some immediate relief. It does not, however, solve the systemic problem.

Some charity work is like giving morphine for a deep cut to the leg - it blocks the pain for awhile, but if you don't address the blood leaking out, the person is going to die anyway. Pain relief helps - it doesn't fix the problem.

When I thought about my own contribution to the planet, I drew a picture of my concerns, starting in the right hand corner (see image below): a child who lacked books, education, opportunities. Why is he stuck there? his parents were poor, uneducated, miserable. Why were his parents like this? They came from a small community that fell apart because of urbanisation and globalisation of food supply that led to the closure of several local farms, and then other town businesses. They learned their beliefs about money and independence from others who had a very limited view of the world.

How I choose to make a difference is illustrated in red: the work I do with Inner Compass is about educating teachers, business owners and other business leaders about new empowering beliefs and frameworks that lead to positive beliefs about their life, their abilities and possibilities. This acts in ripple effect to influence the teachers in these communities and thus down to the student who, though poor, can imagine a different reality and have the courage to act on it.

My work with the Australian Rural Leadership Foundation is about developing post-conventional leaders who can act across industries, sectors, and organisation to address global challenges like climate change, food security, urbanisation, and so on - issues that affect the communities, jobs and businesses surrounding the little boy.

I also give money to the Smith Family - it helps to educate one child in the Australian community.

I choose not to volunteer to with the Smith family. Why not? Because I act from my strengths and passion: I share ideas, concepts, and strategies that make a proven impact in how people manage their lives and businesses. I write, I educate, I speak, I inspire, and I influence. That's what I'm good at, and that's what I love.

What does this mean for you? Let's say you work at a gym and you are wondering, 'how am I making a difference?', here is what I suggest you do: look at the positive impact you are making with your interactions - a warm greeting brightens someone's day, a compliment boosts self-esteem, encouragement firms someone's commitment to health. You have a ripple effect.

No matter where you make a positive intervention - whether you do it at the pointy end by volunteering - or you do it by making international policy - make sure you do it with the whole of your being! Be passionate about the energy you give to the world, love the moments you spend with a client answering their concerns, or with a staff member who is struggling with their work performance, or even cuddling a pet.

It's not what you do, but how you do it - it ALL has an impact because it is all connected. We are all connected.

So please - let go of your white collar guilt of feeling like you are 'not doing enough' and get on with unleashing your love and passion in the world - wherever you choose to contribute - it's all good, and it all matters.

With love and appreciation,

Zoe

P.S. If you liked this article, you'll love my upcoming teleclass on 'leadership and influence'. Joins us for free here:

http://www.innercompass.com.au/content/view/355/67/

P.P.S. Want to use this article? You can, as long as you reprint it in full, including the following:

"Leadership Coach, Speaker, and Author Zoe Routh assists women in business with practical mindset secrets and success strategies to make life and leadership easier. Free tips with your Advanced Mindset Success Kit at http://www.innercompass.com.au."

Are You Done Yet?

Hooray! I love moments like this. A client said to me she was ready to be 'done' with a past relationship - done with guilt, done with regret, done with resentment, done with...you name it, there were plenty of feel-bad feelings.

Why is this so exciting? When you decide finally that you no longer need to punish yourself for past experiences, it's a significant and powerful lurch into a happier and more empowered state of being.

And the best part? You don't need anyone else to do anything for you to activate the relief that forgiveness brings.

You don't need anyone to say sorry to you. You don't need to say sorry to anyone else.

All you need to do is to decide that you no longer need to be tied emotionally and enegetically to the past.

This does not mean you 'forget'. It does not mean you accept and condone what happened.

All it means is that you choose not to be punished anymore for the past.

Staying with guilt and remorse does NOTHING to fix past events. In fact, it only adds negativity and misery to the world, and why would you want to do that?

By all means learn from what happened. See the lessons, embrace them, and look to where you can enact the learning in future relationships so that it feels better to everyone involved.

Let go of the past, expect a pleasant future, and be happily present.

So the question for you this week is, Are you done yet with feeling bad? Are you done with guilt? Are you done with self sabotage? Are you done with resentment? Are you done with pessimism? Are you done with grudges? Are you done with playing the martyr? Are you done with punishing yourself with food/wine/chocolate/cigarettes/alcohol/sugar? Are you done with not liking your body? Are you done with feeling not good enough? Are you done with fear? Are you done with doubt?

What else could you be done with? I would love to hear it!

To your success.

Gratitude vs Appreciation

A colleague was telling how hard she finds to feel gratitude some days when things seem bleak and frustrating. After all, gratitude is supposed to be the vibe that brings good things, right?

Not all the time.

Sometimes when you have serious cranky pants, it is almost impossible to break in to gratitude. And that's because gratitude implies you are indebted emotionally, or karmically, to another entity. Like being grateful for a job (someone has to give you one), or being grateful to the dog that wags its tail at you (you need the dog), or being grateful for the universe for sending you a hunky courier (you need both spunky guy and the whole universe). There's a sense of owing something.

Gratitude also implies a need for being humble.

Like when I used to fight with parents when I was a teenager over curfews and they came back with the absolute pearler, "You should be grateful you even have a roof over your head. You should be grateful that we even had you in the first place!"

As if that had anything to do with wanting to stay out late and party with naughty boys.

Sometimes being asked to be grateful when you are legitimately (or not so legitimately) irritated is like being asked to cuddle a porcupine and put a smile on your face. It's just not pleasant and no one really wants to do it.

It's the obligation part of gratitude that can usurp the good intentions.

Here's my solution to cracking the grumbles without feeling obligated:

Flex your Appreciation Muscle.

Appreciation has a subtle distinction to gratitude: you are completely in control of what you choose to appreciate and you don't owe anyone anything.

Let's test the difference:

I am grateful for the roof over my head.

I appreciate the roof over my head.

Appreciation is about recognising the positive aspects of something without feeling indebted in any way.

Don't think I am knocking gratitude!

Gratitude can feel fantastic as well! Check this differnce:

I am grateful for 80s dance music.

I appreciate 80s dance music.

There's more abandon in the emotional expression of 'gratitude' in this case. It feels a bit more profound.

Gratitude is actually higher up the emotional vibrational scale - being closer to love and joy. However, when you're down in the dumps, it's a long hill to climb.

The key point to remember: if you're feeling stuck and grumbly, crank up the APPRECIATION vibe, and you'll soon be humming in a happier direction. Who knows, you may even find things to be grateful about too.

To your success.

Make The Decision

It's week #6 on the Body Transformation Challenge and my waist is tinier by 6cm and the pants are loose and baggy. I'm eating plenty and I am exercising consistently - so no radical starvation routine here.

So what's the secret?

I've tried to lose weight before. Many times. I even ran six marathons in the process! But I never really achieved my ideal fitness level. Why? I never really 'decided' to. Until now.

I wished, I wanted, I fretted. But I never made the decision. The burn-all-bridges, never-look-back kind of decision.

But here's the kicker - the decision was NOT about losing weight.

The decision was about STOPPING and STARTING.

I decided to STOP feeling bad about my body. I decided I to START feeling good instead.

I got sick and tired of the negative gremlin droning away about the size, shape, and lumpiness of various body parts. I decided it was enough energy and time wasted. Enough beating myself up. Enough jealousy and longing for everything to be smaller, slimmer, smoother. Enough guilt over drinking too much, eating too much. Enough struggle over about feeling deprived if I did show some 'discipline'.

I decided I was over the whole 'struggle' thing.

So I decided to FEEL different. And if I wanted to FEEL different, I needed to THINK in a different way.

By making THIS decision - to think and feel different BEFORE any results happened - has been the key difference.

I felt liberated when I started the program because I was leaving behind all that heavy thinking (and thus the heavy body). I felt good - finally - about who I was and the choices I was making.

Sticking to the plan has been relatively easy because I feel like I am on a one-way highway and the scenery all looks great - it's one joyous moment after another. The body shifting shape is just an added bonus of the freedom and deliciousness I feel as a result of my new thoughts and focus.

So what decision do you need to make about feeling good? What are you tired of? What thoughts have you had enough of?

With all my heart I wish you the courage to make the decision now - today - the rest will take care of itself.

To a life you love to live.

Making Peace With What 'Is'

How far do you have to go before you hit your rock bottom?

It's different for everyone. Some people have to be penniless and on the streets, others on their deathbed, still others need to be completely friendless and miserable before they choose something different.

The point is, you don't need to go THAT low before you decide to feel better. You don't need the radical plunges near the abyss like Tony Robbins or Joe Vitale when they went broke before they had their breakthrough.

Honestly, the 'breakdown before the breakthrough' thing is completely over-rated.

I prefer slight discomfort to radical pain to prompt a change in direction. It's like the difference between sitting on a thumb tack and getting your butt blown out of the water; I'll take the thumb tack any day.

But this isn't an easy lesson. At least it wasn't for me. I had to get cancer before I got real about my life and my choices.

I'm hoping you have a lower threshold for struggle and frustration before you let go and shift into flow and feel-good mode.

Here's the tip: if you are struggling, frustrated, trying really hard and getting nowhere, bitter, peeved, ready to tear your hair out, then you are wasting your energy.

You don't get what you want by feeling bad and trying harder.

You only get what you want by feeling good and doing what feels good.

The fastest way to crack the "I feel bad, I better try harder to change my circumstances" cycle is to make peace with your life as it is now.

How do you do THAT?

Find something to appreciate - anything - about your current circumstances.

Don't like your hair? What's good about it - the colour? It's curl? The volume? the fact that you have some?

Don't like your in-laws? What's good about them? At least they are there to babysit from time to time.

Your mother drives you crazy? What can you learn from her? She's there to remind you of what not to do. And to teach you tolerance, acceptance, and patience.

Constantly broke? Do you need to change your language? You can't be THAT broke if you are reading this - you have access to a computer -you have something that less than 5% of the world has. What's good about being broke? It shows you that what you really want is an abundance of prosperity.

So what's good about where you are right now? If 'nothing' is your first answer, then try again - what might be good about where you are right now?

And that my friends is how you make peace with what 'is'.

And from there you stop fighting the Universe and let it deliver all the things you've been waiting for.

Appreciation is a pure form of love - and love is the language of the universe. Let it in!

Or as the Beatles say, "Let it be".

To a life you love to live.

The Role of Tension in Success

Old school coaching use to teach set a goal, make a plan, follow through, and you'll achieve success.

Sounds logical.

But it's a struggle! Action alone is not enough. It's got to be action from the right mental and emotional outlook. Action taken with a mis-aligned energy vibration is like pushing the proverbial poop uphill: possible, but messy and awkward.

What you need most of all in your aspirations for achievement is TENSION.

This is how it works:

• Imagine and focus on what you would like to be, do, or have;
• Feel those feelings now in a real and intense way; and
• Let go of those thoughts and be present and appreciative now.

This is the state of MANIFESTATIONAL ANTICIPATION, or TENSION for short.

It's the state of delighted expectation and eager anticipation for what is coming while simultaneously appreciating and being at peace with your current circumstances.

• Like how I look forward to my slim, taught, lean figure while at the same time enjoying my current health, flexibility, strength and general sense of well-being;
• Like how I am excited to refresh and create new directions in my business while congratulating myself on seven years of Inner Compass creations;
• Like how I love the idea of my beachside house and at the same time really appreciate the convenience of my home in leafy Canberra.

Feeling good about the future and feeling good about the present creates a vortex of feel-good which is very, very attractive and powerful.

This is also making peace with the present while dreaming and creating a new future for yourself.

See how this works?

Let me just show you the alternative approach:

• I want a slim body and can't stand my cellulite;
• I am focused on creating new business and am frustrated by the amount of work needed to turn it around;
• I am in love with the beach and wonder when we are ever going to make the move.

The feel good of the desire is trampled by the frustration and negativity when focused on the negative aspects of current circumstances.

It's a subtle and important distinction.

And it also takes practise!

So practise finding things to appreciate around you now - today - regardless of what you've been telling yourself about your life to date. Nothing changes until you change your focus, your thoughts, and hence your vibrational message and point of attraction.

2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate? YOU!

To a life you love to live.

Talk To Yourself

Where do you get your certainty from? Do you remember what it's like to feel absolute certainty - about you, your role, your job, your life? Does that certainty feel good?

If the answer to those questions is 'no', then it's time you started talking to yourself - in a very deliberate way. Not in a crazy person kind of way - muttering away to yourself as you shuffle down the street - you don't want to frighten people!

But just as you are deliberate in what you wear, what you eat (ok - most of the time deliberate!), be deliberate in how you talk to yourself. This is how you create certainty in your beliefs, and thus in your results.

Certainty comes out of repeated thoughts - beliefs - that come to resonate in every cell of your body. Like how you know the sun will rise very day, water flows downhill, bulbs bloom in spring, money is elusive, Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player ever...

Hang on a minute - 'money is elusive' is the same as 'water flows downhill'? Yes - if you believe it's true.

And here's the crux of the matter - certainty does NOT come from evidence in the external world - it comes from our expectations. Our expectations seek out evidence. And our expectations are crafted from repeated thoughts.

So just like you repeatedly think and expect the sun to rise, so it does. The same for money - if you think it is elusive and believe that thought - so it is so - our brains seek the evidence, and the evidence always turns up.

If you changed your thoughts, your focus - you would get different evidence. This starts by talking to yourself - with deliberate intent.

So if you expect each day at work to be a struggle, so it is. Try changing the way you talk to yourself:"Today is a new day with the possibility of change and discovery. Today I look for things are going right at work. Today I appreciate that I have a job and that it helps me to meet my obligations. Today I start by having an intention to feel good throughout the day. Today I focus on how I feel, rather than what I am producing or achieving. Today I am just giving myself a break from performing."

Start being your own cheersquad, coach, and mentor. If it helps, imagine having a conversation with someone you admire and respect, and ask them for advice.

Mutter on, friends!

To a life you love to live.