Feeling Feelings Fully

My great boohoo sobs from last week kicked it all off. No more repressed emotion - it all flooded out.

Yet I know you're 'supposed' to stay 'emotionally controlled' to be an effective leader. They even had 'emotional control' as one of the personal strength criteria when I worked at Outward Bound.

What a bunch of bull crap. You might as well say 'emotionally retarded' as 'emotionally controlled'. When you try to 'control' your emotions you end up suppressing and burying them. And this only leads to twisted and festering energy that causes no end of problems including physical ones.

Emotional mastery is not about 'control', but rather about 'management'. Emotions are not to be feared, ignored, or repressed; emotions are our guidance system - messages from our Higher Self to pay attention to something.

So how do you actually manage them? Emotions after all can be distracting, especially during board meetings.

First, pay attention. Notice where they appear in your body, and what they feel like. Just observe. Don't try to ignore it; this is like trying to keep a pot from boiling over - eventually you'll get burned.

Feel those feelings fully. Give yourself permission to feel all the energy - the whole wild gammut of it - whether it be joy or grief. When you do this, you will let the energy flood your system, and it will soon dissipate.

When I sobbed last week over my IVF news, it was intense. Lots of shaking and snotty blubbing. Very messy. But it was over soon and after an hour I felt relieved - tired, but relieved. And I've been fine ever since. Had I repressed it (yet again) I am sure I would be on edge, distracted, sensitive, and moody.

At a recent graduation where the group remembered a colleague who had passed away this year, the tears streamed down my face. At first I tried to stop them, but then I just let them flow. My body needed to release, and I needed to grieve too. And then I was fine. I wished I had a tissue, but that was ok too.

Life is sweeter when we feel things fully - intense grief is matched by exhilaration and joy. When you feel things fully, you are living fully.

With love and appreciation.