Change The Story

Our IVF clinic is finally ready to move forward with our plans. After waiting a long time. All year in fact.

When I called the clinic to book the next phase of our IVF process, the nurse told me I could have the procedure scheduled within two weeks, I needed to fill out paperwork, check my police records check, get my patient number, book appointments with four secialists (four!), did I want to stay overnight in Melbourne, did I know about the extra fees, had I seen the specialist about X,Y, Z.

By this time all I heard was 'wahh wa wahh wah'. It was too much for me. The tears shot like jets and my head seemed to compress into an underwater tunnel.

The nurse said, "are you ok? What's wrong?" All I could manage was, "I've waited so long for this...boohoohoohoo".

All the year's waiting and frustration was released in that one long messy, snotty, outburst.

I could feel all the old stories of angst bubbling up: 'four specialists? Holy crap - why is everything so much trouble, more delays, more money, why me?' blah blah blah.

But determined not to fall into this trap again, I settled and started a new story: isn't it amazing how many people want to help us have a baby? Isn't it amazing how many doctors have saved my life over the years, all the research in science that has brought us to this point of still being able to have kids in spite of my age and my cancer history, isn' it wonderful that this kid is already soooo wanted, so willed into being, so welcome - that's a lot of love in this world.

And I feel the appreciation of the miracles that were happening for us all around me. I even felt gratitude - gratitude that all the hoops to jump through were about people actually caring enough to help other people, other people loving life enough to do their best to bring a baby into the world.

I still bawled my head off. I'm even getting choked up now thinking about it.

But I am liberated by a new story - no longer the victim of cancer, circumstance, age - instead, lucky champion of a dream that might yet come to be, supported by many dozens of specialists, years of research and scientific advancement, and on truly amazing husband.

I like this story better. And it has transformed the way I think and feel about my life and my fertility experience. No doubt, the results will speak for themselves. But in the meantime, I am soooo much happier.

What stories do you need to change?

With love and appreciation.