3 Secrets For An Awesome Relationship

Seems to be the season for relationship break downs around here. I've got a few friends moving like molasses through the pain of separation. I am sad for them, and yet I know there is good stuff lying in wait around the corner.

For my husband Rob, who is a divorce lawyer, and who was divorced himself before we met, it's always the season, day in day out. I figured if anyone might know the secrets to a good relationship, it might be him - someone who sees what doesn't work every day. 

Plus I've been told many times over that our marriage is the source of much inspiration for others. We have a GREAT relationship! So here are some insights from our respective experiences.

1. "Families who play together stay together." This is Rob's #1 top secret to a successful relationship. What he means is that you enjoy each other's company, that you have some common interests, that you have adventures together. That's why we go on skiing trips, go body boarding in the surf, go running together, watch movies, play with the chickens and hang out together. We like each other's company.

2. Enjoy your respective 'boy time' and 'girl time'. We hang out together, but we don't live our lives in each other's pockets. Rob plays tennis with the boys on Wednesdays and Sundays and I get facials, massages, and this weekend I'm going for high tea with the girls. Bring it on. 

3. You don't divorce your best friend. Rob asked me, 'how many times in your life have you ditched a best friend?' Stumped me. My closest friends are still my closest friends, even though we are continents apart and don't see each other often. There's a sense of unconditional support and appreciation, a non-judgment of best friends that holds the relationship together. Apply this to your own intimate relationship.

I promised you three, but I'm on a roll now, so here are a few more:

4. Always speak your truth. If something is niggling, bring it up. Do this before your head explodes with all the imagined responses and twists and excuses and other crapola that your imagination can drum up.

5. Acknowledge that you are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Sure it's easier to be around someone who is tip toeing through the tulips every day, but you cannot make them happy - they have to do that for themselves. You can't love someone enough to make them happy. They've got to do that - from the inside out. Your job is to tend your own happiness, your own focus, your own emotional vibration - that is something YOU can control, so focus on that. Bonus: your joie  de vivre will tend to rub off on others.

6.Stop needing them to change. Are there things about Rob's behaviour I don't like? Sure. Like when he leaves the toilet seat up. Grrrr... He says, "I put the lid down as much as much as you close the door to the outside when the heater is on." So if you're going to point fingers, they get pointed back. Focus instead on appreciating what you do like - like the way he brings me flowers from the office every Friday. I LOVE that!

7.Create your own rituals, inside secrets, and family culture. All the examples I can think of are adults-only. Except for maybe the 'tea top up' command which means, "please can you show me  that you love me by filling up my tea cup and really I am too lazy to do it for myself" or singing the 'clean-up song' we learned from my niece's day care as the signal for, 'let's do this boring task together and make it fun by acting like two-year olds'. (Did that sound as dorky as I think it does? Well I guess that's the point - we give ourselves permission to act a little like dorks and have some fun together, even with the mundane daily tasks).

8. Tell each other why you love each other, and why you like each other. Saying 'I love you' and then following it with 'because...' keeps the juicy parts of your relationship alive and fresh and bubbling. Kind of like a sourdough starter - you've got to keep feeding it.

9. Love you, and your life, on your own. You do not need anything or anyone or anywhere to make you feel good. All you need is the power of your focus, the direction of your attention. And the more you can do that, for yourself, in any given circumstances, the more you'll feel free. You'll fill with the joys of spring and every day will glisten with weekend delight. You will radiate compassion and sexiness and mojo galore. You'll be so filled with love that you will overflow with it, inviting others to play at your party. And that will fill your cup of love even more.

That's a short list - I would LOVE to hear your tips on relationships that rock your socks. Please leave a comment and let me know YOUR secrets.

Me and my honey on a bushwalk

7 Tips for Self Mastery

"Where do I start?" My favourite question from new clients. They're ready for something different that will shake them up, ease the path, and make every day weekend bliss.

Luckily, there is a magic formula. A formula I've downloaded from the Universe and my own turbulent roller coaster ride. It's worked for me, and it works for my clients.

But please. Let this be FUN, enjoyable, and a delicious unfolding.

Not a task list, a chore, an effort-full ordeal. I'm so not into that anymore.

So here's the juice on how to follow your inner C.O.M.P.A.S.S.

Tip 1 - C- Courage and Self-belief
This is the fundamental component to any achievements, any effort any creative endeavour. There are many complex aspect to this component, however, to get a massive kick-start do this exercise:

Write out "I am awesome because..." and list 50 answers.

Self-belief and self appreciation will be on turbo power!

Tip 2 - O - Orientation True North
Many make finding and following your life's purpose way more complicated than it needs to be. For those who like to ponder, I recommend the following texts for guidance:

• Martha Beck's Steering by Starlight
• Lance Secretan's The Spark, the Flame, the Torch
• Guy Finley's The Giant Leap

And for the ultimate in life purpose guidance I turn to Sir Richard Branson: "do what you love and have fun." Period. That's it! Nice, huh?!

Tip 3 - M - Magnetic Ripples

This is about how to connect deeply with others and create momentum on your dreams. How do you do THAT?

Start with compassion. That's knowing and understanding how someone else might be feeling (walk in someone else's high heels), and then be able to act with wisdom (so you don't get swept away with feelings). This about letting emotions release without releasing all over someone else! Tales practise.

Tip 4 - P - Panoramic 360 view
This is the capacity to look and see from as many different perspectives as possible. You can use the virtual Board of Directors to help flesh this one and give it some legs. (I have Sir Richard Branson, the Dalai Lama, my coach, Warren Buffet on my directors table). From time to time I consult them about a decision. It helps get some broader perspective that's for sure!

Tip 5 - A - Architecture of Beliefs
This aspect is critical. Beliefs are your operating software; they're either running programs that run smoothly with little effort, or they serve up struggle-street. Knowing how to re-wire beliefs is the single most powerful self-mastery skill you can master for long-term results.

How to do this? There are a multitude of techniques. Here is the simplest. Pick a belief you want running your life. For example, "I can have anything I desire." Write it out. Write it out again. Repeat 21 times per day. Repeat with enthusiasm and conviction. Whisper it to yourself as you go to sleep. Repetition will anchor the new belief as your new operating software.

Tip 6 - S - Surroundings
Never underestimate how your surroundings affect your attitude and your outcomes. There is lot of fun stuff to do here - including feng shui, colour, scents, decorating, and more.

Here's an easy tip: pick something you don't like in your surroundings. Replace it with something that makes you heart sing. Repeat each week with something new until everything in your surroundings makes your heart sing.

Tip 7 - Self-care
I have not met a single person who had no room to improve in this area. Seriously, self-care needs to be upgraded for most of us. It could be any aspect - sleep, nutrition, exercise, rest, relaxation, wardrobe, car cleanliness, see the dentist, get regular checks (blood pressure, eyes, hearing, breasts, etc), time out.

You probably know where you need to improve. So pick one thing (say, drink 2 more glasses of water per day) and do it.

Mastery of Self is the first ring in the 5 Rings of Magnetic Leadership. These are the capacities I help my clients fine tune so they can continue to expand as influential, capable leaders. I share with them all the how-tos and finer details in my program, the Co-Creators of Awesomeness. Check it out here.

Now you can get the support materials I publish for my exclusive coaching clients, and coach yourself to Self Mastery. I look forward to you joining us!

Zoe
p.s. If you join before the end of 2011 you can get ongoing access to the coaching resources at the current introductory rate. So hop on over and get started now :)

Six Ways To Think Like Steve Jobs

Does anyone else wonder what will happen to Apple now that Steve-The-Genius Jobs has passed on? If there is ever to be a test of his leadership, it's now; what survives when the leader doesn't? We may not know for a few years yet.

Here's what has survived - the example he set in his fierce and fearless approach to design and business, and how you can think like the mega-man too.

1. When things get tough, innovate. What did most businesses do during the onset of the Global Financial Crisis? They cut back: jobs, marketing budgets, expenses. Apple increased its innovation and design budget. When things get tough, that's when you need to invest even more in innovation - according to Jobs.


"The cure for Apple is not cost-cutting. The cure for Apple is to innovate its way out of its current predicament."  As quoted in Apple Confidential 2.0: The Definitive History of the World's Most Colorful Company (2004) by Owen W. Linzmayer


2. People need to be cheered up. So do the unpopular thing. When the terrorists struck the Twin Towers in 2001, many businesses stopped in their tracks, afraid. The iPod however was announced just a few weeks later, on October 23rd. People thought Jobs was crazy to continue with the release of the iPod. If ever there was a time that people needed good news this was it. Jobs knew this:

"It will go down in history as a turning point for the music industry. This is landmark stuff. I can't overestimate it!" - On the iPod and the iTunes Music Store, as quoted in Fortune magazine (12 May 2003)


So while the world mourned, Jobs brought them hope and the belief in the human spirit and its potential.

3. Think about the people. Jobs had an unerring respect and consideration for his customer. He knew they wanted simplicity and elegance. And all the Apple products delivered on this.

"Look at the design of a lot of consumer products — they're really complicated surfaces. We tried to make something much more holistic and simple. When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions. Most people just don't put in the time or energy to get there. We believe that customers are smart, and want objects which are well thought through." On the design of the iPod, as quoted in Newsweek (14 October 2006)

4. Be radically creative. And know when to say 'no'. You can be disciplined about creativity. And you can also encourage wild and bold runaway thoughts that lead to breakthroughs as much as they do dead-ends. The trick is to know which is which.

"The system is that there is no system. That doesn't mean we don't have process. Apple is a very disciplined company, and we have great processes. But that's not what it's about. Process makes you more efficient. But innovation comes from people meeting up in the hallways or calling each other at 10:30 at night with a new idea, or because they realized something that shoots holes in how we've been thinking about a problem. It's ad hoc meetings of six people called by someone who thinks he has figured out the coolest new thing ever and who wants to know what other people think of his idea. And it comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don't get on the wrong track or try to do too much. We're always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important." - As quoted in "The Seed of Apple's Innovation" in BusinessWeek (12 October 2004)


Know what's important to you and your business, and let this be your compass bearing.

5. Invite others' opinions. Trust your own. Being a leader is knowing that to consult others is essential, and to be open to changing your opinions as a result. It's also knowing when to stand firm in your vision of what's possible.

"Because I'm the CEO, and I think it can be done.' - On why he chose to override engineers who thought the iMac wasn't feasible, as quoted in TIME magazine (24 October 2005)

6. Know why you do what you do. Leaving the planet with a 7 billion net worth seems like a worthy achievement. But Jobs's financial success was just a bi-product of his real intention.


"I was worth about over a million dollars when I was twenty-three and over ten million dollars when I was twenty-four, and over a hundred million dollars when I was twenty-five and it wasn't that important because I never did it for the money." - Interview in the PBS documentary Triumph of the Nerds: The Rise of Accidental Empires (1996)


And in his own words, about when it's all over...

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me ... Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful... that's what matters to me." - On the success of Bill Gates and Microsoft, as quoted in The Wall Street Journal (Summer 1993)

Zoe
p.s. There are more great Steve Jobs quotes here.

When is "enough is enough"?

"How long are you going to put with this?"

I've asked this of clients who complained of cheating partners, of insubordinate staff, of poor health and body image, of cluttered homes.

This is my favourite question to clients who finish a litany of woes. It's a great circuit breaker.

It's also the crux of the matter.

People will often wait until rock bottom until they do something. Rock bottom varies from heart attacks,  bankruptcy, yet another affair, getting hit one more time, and so on. My rock bottom was cancer. It was a harsh lesson in self-management. I don't want that for you.

In any painful situation you always have two choices:
1. Change how you think about the situation.
2. Change the situation.

Changing how you think takes effort and is not all that easy. This is for when you decide to let go of needing anyone or anything to change, and focus on your own inner dialogue. This is also when you move from victim to being a learner and author of your own life experience. Scary. And empowering.

Changing the situation requires courage. That's why most of us tend to put up with pain and suffering far longer than we need or ought to. It's also a little of 'better the devil you know'. Change is scarier than the miserable status quo.

It's amazing the human capacity for suffering to avoid change - a huge threshold for pain. Much greater than it needs to be or ought to be. We tolerate far too much.

The next most important question after 'how long are you going to put with this?' is, "what is this costing you?"
and then,
"what will it cost you in one year if nothing changes? in five years? in ten?"

When you way up the risk of change with the cost of inaction, it gets pretty clear that doing nothing is the real source of pain.

So when do you cue "enough is enough"?

When you know what your values are, it's clear.

When you have strong boundaries about what is appropriate behaviour and what is not, it's clear.

When you have strong self-esteem, it's clear.

When you know your needs and your personal safety are the most important thing, then it's clear.

When you decide to be captain of your own ship, taking responsibility for everything in your life, then it's clear.

Don't let rock bottom, poverty, a heart attack, depression, and yet another affair, be your trigger for change. Value yourself, your life, and your happiness above all else, and DO something about it.

You deserve and have the right to be happy.

Zoe
p.s. Do you have an inspiring story of when you got to 'enough is enough'? Please share with us in the comments.
p.p.s. Want to increase your Self Mastery so you never get to rock bottom? Learn how to lead with your inner C.O.M.P.A.S.S. here.

The One Thing You MUST Do Before Planning Next Year

And that thing is...

To review this year!

Sounds obvious, but have you done it yet?

We get so caught up with going from one thing to the next we forget to savour what we have already achieved.

So it's time for some reflection, and some pat-on-the-back action.

Here are some good journal questions to guide you:

• What was the theme of the year? What was the overall flavour of the year?
• Identify your Kodak moments - those times that were fabulous, brilliant and you'd like to capture forever.
• Record your successes in your journal. These could be anything from hitting record sales, to meeting your fitness goals, to feeling fantastic, to spending quality time with your kids. whatever it is, make sure you write it down.
• Highlights/lowlights. Everything is energy, and everything fluctuates - including the energy of your life, creating peaks and troughs. The good news is that once you make note of these, you'll learn how to move through the lows much more easily, knowing that another peak is to be expected.
• What did you learn this year? Life is about growth - what did you learn about yourself, others, technical skills, professional skills, your family?
• Who did you meet? This is a fun one! You probably met more people than you realise! Make note of these.
• Did you meet your goals – why or why not?
• What are you most proud of?

With these notes in hand you can put this year to bed, wish it goodnight, and prepare to welcome the dawn.

With love and appreciation.

Move From Intentions to Expectations

I've just hired a new prosperity coach to move me fully into 'rock-star' coach status. I've thought about hiring her for a long, long time.

But I got caught up in my own stumbling blocks: it's a lot of money, do I really need this, will it really work.

Plus the deeper ones that I don't like to look at much: am I worth it? how can I justify this? Shouldn't I be able to do this on my own?

Boy - that's a lot of self-punishment there! All designed to keep me in struggle, in old patterns of belief and inaction.

So I bit the bullet, guided by intuition, and made the first appointment - a week or so from now.

My intention in hiring her was to let go of self-doubt, and allow more abundance and prosperity in my life.

Seeing as she's the Money Coach expert, my intention, once I had contacted her, became an expectation. I just know it's going to make a huge difference to my results.

The certainty, the inevitability, of my expectation is loud and clear: this is going to happen, and it is going to work. I fully expect it to, I decided it will - it is! - and now all that was left was to experience it. I know in my bones it is coming to fruition - it's just a question of how and when - but I'm not stressed or worried about it. Just like waiting for my meal at a restaurant, I know it's on its way now that I've made the order.

It's how I felt about my Body Transformation results - I decided, I made a clear intention to follow through and live the results that I wanted, and practised the image in my head over and over until it became an inevitability - an expectation.

Now I'm a significant size smaller, bsuting with energy, and feel awesome. Just like I expected. Actually - even better than I expected!

And get this - after I emailed the coach to sign up, that very day I got an inquiry for my coaching services that would more than makeup for the investment in my coach. AND I hadn't even had my first session with my coach yet!

That's fast. That's how powerful this stuff is, folks!

You are deliberate creator - just give yourself permission to feel the truth of it.

Your Deliberate Creation Homework:

• Make a decision about what you really want.
• Act on that intention - no matter how small - even if it is to write it down as an affirmation.
• Next, rehearse it in your mind's eye until it becomes an expectation.
• Enjoy the process!

With love and appreciation.

Can you be TOO rich, happy, and hot?

I've had a few moments of self-pinching glee this week: new clients, positive results from my medical screens, weight loss continuing. Can it really be this easy and this good?

Yikes! Where did that self-sabotage voice come from? Why shouldn't it be easy? Why couldn't it be this good? What if it only got better and better?

And that's where you'll find old limiting beliefs lurking, ready to bite your ankles as you take another step forward. When it gets good, it gets scary.

Marianne Williamson's oft quoted poem reads, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

Ok so maybe I'm afraid of my 'light'. And maybe I'm afraid of being TOO rich, happy, and hot...

How does that happen?!

It's our ego that worries about change, inventing 'problems' that might come with the good stuff to scare us off and keep us anchored to status quo.

Are there any problems to being more rich, happy and hot? Only the ones you invent of course!

So how do you crack the self-sabotage?

Awareness is the first and easiest strategy. Asking, what problems might happen if I really do get everything on my wish list?

• I might get bored.
• It won't feel worth it if I don't struggle for it. (yowsa - did not know that one was there!)
• What would I do with all that cash? (sheesh - need to spend some time planning expense of millions)
• What would I write about if I wasn't 'overcoming' something? (I really need to change that story!)

Awareness of the inner voice and all its quoibles is often enough to dry the fears up on the spot. It's as though you exposed the roots of troublesome weeds to sunlight and they simply shrivel and wither right then and there.

Next it's about playing with new thoughts and new ideas. Things like,

• What if the less I tried the easier it got?
• How about, the more I enjoy, the more I share and have to say.
• And maybe, I am in constant resonace with abundance and success.

I am soooo liking ease and grace - so much more than struggle and drudgery.

Can you ever be too rich, happy, and hot? Not on my watch!

With love and appreciation.

Feeling Feelings Fully

My great boohoo sobs from last week kicked it all off. No more repressed emotion - it all flooded out.

Yet I know you're 'supposed' to stay 'emotionally controlled' to be an effective leader. They even had 'emotional control' as one of the personal strength criteria when I worked at Outward Bound.

What a bunch of bull crap. You might as well say 'emotionally retarded' as 'emotionally controlled'. When you try to 'control' your emotions you end up suppressing and burying them. And this only leads to twisted and festering energy that causes no end of problems including physical ones.

Emotional mastery is not about 'control', but rather about 'management'. Emotions are not to be feared, ignored, or repressed; emotions are our guidance system - messages from our Higher Self to pay attention to something.

So how do you actually manage them? Emotions after all can be distracting, especially during board meetings.

First, pay attention. Notice where they appear in your body, and what they feel like. Just observe. Don't try to ignore it; this is like trying to keep a pot from boiling over - eventually you'll get burned.

Feel those feelings fully. Give yourself permission to feel all the energy - the whole wild gammut of it - whether it be joy or grief. When you do this, you will let the energy flood your system, and it will soon dissipate.

When I sobbed last week over my IVF news, it was intense. Lots of shaking and snotty blubbing. Very messy. But it was over soon and after an hour I felt relieved - tired, but relieved. And I've been fine ever since. Had I repressed it (yet again) I am sure I would be on edge, distracted, sensitive, and moody.

At a recent graduation where the group remembered a colleague who had passed away this year, the tears streamed down my face. At first I tried to stop them, but then I just let them flow. My body needed to release, and I needed to grieve too. And then I was fine. I wished I had a tissue, but that was ok too.

Life is sweeter when we feel things fully - intense grief is matched by exhilaration and joy. When you feel things fully, you are living fully.

With love and appreciation.

Change The Story

Our IVF clinic is finally ready to move forward with our plans. After waiting a long time. All year in fact.

When I called the clinic to book the next phase of our IVF process, the nurse told me I could have the procedure scheduled within two weeks, I needed to fill out paperwork, check my police records check, get my patient number, book appointments with four secialists (four!), did I want to stay overnight in Melbourne, did I know about the extra fees, had I seen the specialist about X,Y, Z.

By this time all I heard was 'wahh wa wahh wah'. It was too much for me. The tears shot like jets and my head seemed to compress into an underwater tunnel.

The nurse said, "are you ok? What's wrong?" All I could manage was, "I've waited so long for this...boohoohoohoo".

All the year's waiting and frustration was released in that one long messy, snotty, outburst.

I could feel all the old stories of angst bubbling up: 'four specialists? Holy crap - why is everything so much trouble, more delays, more money, why me?' blah blah blah.

But determined not to fall into this trap again, I settled and started a new story: isn't it amazing how many people want to help us have a baby? Isn't it amazing how many doctors have saved my life over the years, all the research in science that has brought us to this point of still being able to have kids in spite of my age and my cancer history, isn' it wonderful that this kid is already soooo wanted, so willed into being, so welcome - that's a lot of love in this world.

And I feel the appreciation of the miracles that were happening for us all around me. I even felt gratitude - gratitude that all the hoops to jump through were about people actually caring enough to help other people, other people loving life enough to do their best to bring a baby into the world.

I still bawled my head off. I'm even getting choked up now thinking about it.

But I am liberated by a new story - no longer the victim of cancer, circumstance, age - instead, lucky champion of a dream that might yet come to be, supported by many dozens of specialists, years of research and scientific advancement, and on truly amazing husband.

I like this story better. And it has transformed the way I think and feel about my life and my fertility experience. No doubt, the results will speak for themselves. But in the meantime, I am soooo much happier.

What stories do you need to change?

With love and appreciation.

Amp Up Your Mojo

Your external world is a reflection of your internal world. You only step fully into your personal power when you accept and embrace the notion that you are 100% fully and completely responsible for your life. All of it.

So if you don't like parts of it, guess what? You can change it! And it starts from the inside out.

If you've got clients that annoy you, they're reflecting your expectations of them.

If you've got colleagues that get under your skin, there's something inside of you that they are reflecting and magnifying.

If you don't like your body/looks/clothes/bank balance/health, then the work starts on the inside.

The fastest and easiest way to shift your external world is to amp up your internal one. And this means falling utterly, and completely, in love with YOU.

Yes folks, it's time to amp your Mojo.

If you're asking, 'what Mojo?' then you need this work. NOW.

We've all got Mojo. It's the unique expression of what is fabulous about YOU. And if you don't notice it, and love it, and amp it up, no one else will either.

No one likes limp Mojo.

Ok folks, here's what you do to amp up your Mojo:

List all the things that make you fabulous. Your luscious eyelashes, your groovy hair, the gravelly sound of your voice, the curl of your earlobe, the smell of your toes, the softness of your skin, your creativity, the fact that you can remember 8 phone numbers at once, the award you one last year,your ability to see the good in all humanity, the elgance of your fingernails...

Turn this in to an all out rave and rant about all your best assets, big and small, past and present. You should be feeling absolutely stunning, vivacious, irresistible - you can hardly hold back from wanting to take yourself on a date.

You ought to feel like giving yourself a big smooch and a cuddle, and a wriggle of approval.

You can top off this orgy of self-appreciation and get some more self-love browine points by stripping down to the nuddy and doing your favourite "I'm too sexy for my cat" dance.

Yah babe, you rock! Amp up that Mojo!

With love and appreciation.

High Vibe Words

I love writing! It comes very easily and naturally to me. Luckily my fingers can mostly keep up with what comes through my head, with only the odd weird typo.

Being a writer, words are incredibly important to me: they capture mood, sentiment, meaning, image.

From a Law of Attraction point of view, they create imagery, thus emotional response and hence vibration - and then, your point of attraction. So you need to choose your words carefully.

I've caught often caught myself out using 'colourful' language to add 'drama' to a story. For example, instead of just being tired, I'm exhausted beyond words; instead of being upset, I'm devastated; instead of making a mistake, I made a colossal balls up.

So what's the difference? Exaggeration can be interesting, but it also sends messages to your subconscious. Every thought and every word makes an imprint. You want to be mindful of your language so you can maintain the best-feeling vibe -that's how we get everything on our wish list!

So here's a short list of high vibe words for you to insert into your lexicon:

'How's your day?' Can be responded to with:

Delightful, extraordinary, brilliant, wonderful, amazing, delicious

'How's business?' Can be responded to with:

Lush, fabulous, engaging, rewarding, fascinating

And other excellent words include:

Love, appreciate, grateful, endorse, recognise, contribute, faith, power, strength, shine, twinkle (it's a fun one!), hilarious, gorgeous, stunning, hot, happy, healthy, vibrant...

Your turn! What are your favourite high vibe words?

Are You Done Yet?

Hooray! I love moments like this. A client said to me she was ready to be 'done' with a past relationship - done with guilt, done with regret, done with resentment, done with...you name it, there were plenty of feel-bad feelings.

Why is this so exciting? When you decide finally that you no longer need to punish yourself for past experiences, it's a significant and powerful lurch into a happier and more empowered state of being.

And the best part? You don't need anyone else to do anything for you to activate the relief that forgiveness brings.

You don't need anyone to say sorry to you. You don't need to say sorry to anyone else.

All you need to do is to decide that you no longer need to be tied emotionally and enegetically to the past.

This does not mean you 'forget'. It does not mean you accept and condone what happened.

All it means is that you choose not to be punished anymore for the past.

Staying with guilt and remorse does NOTHING to fix past events. In fact, it only adds negativity and misery to the world, and why would you want to do that?

By all means learn from what happened. See the lessons, embrace them, and look to where you can enact the learning in future relationships so that it feels better to everyone involved.

Let go of the past, expect a pleasant future, and be happily present.

So the question for you this week is, Are you done yet with feeling bad? Are you done with guilt? Are you done with self sabotage? Are you done with resentment? Are you done with pessimism? Are you done with grudges? Are you done with playing the martyr? Are you done with punishing yourself with food/wine/chocolate/cigarettes/alcohol/sugar? Are you done with not liking your body? Are you done with feeling not good enough? Are you done with fear? Are you done with doubt?

What else could you be done with? I would love to hear it!

To your success.

Gratitude vs Appreciation

A colleague was telling how hard she finds to feel gratitude some days when things seem bleak and frustrating. After all, gratitude is supposed to be the vibe that brings good things, right?

Not all the time.

Sometimes when you have serious cranky pants, it is almost impossible to break in to gratitude. And that's because gratitude implies you are indebted emotionally, or karmically, to another entity. Like being grateful for a job (someone has to give you one), or being grateful to the dog that wags its tail at you (you need the dog), or being grateful for the universe for sending you a hunky courier (you need both spunky guy and the whole universe). There's a sense of owing something.

Gratitude also implies a need for being humble.

Like when I used to fight with parents when I was a teenager over curfews and they came back with the absolute pearler, "You should be grateful you even have a roof over your head. You should be grateful that we even had you in the first place!"

As if that had anything to do with wanting to stay out late and party with naughty boys.

Sometimes being asked to be grateful when you are legitimately (or not so legitimately) irritated is like being asked to cuddle a porcupine and put a smile on your face. It's just not pleasant and no one really wants to do it.

It's the obligation part of gratitude that can usurp the good intentions.

Here's my solution to cracking the grumbles without feeling obligated:

Flex your Appreciation Muscle.

Appreciation has a subtle distinction to gratitude: you are completely in control of what you choose to appreciate and you don't owe anyone anything.

Let's test the difference:

I am grateful for the roof over my head.

I appreciate the roof over my head.

Appreciation is about recognising the positive aspects of something without feeling indebted in any way.

Don't think I am knocking gratitude!

Gratitude can feel fantastic as well! Check this differnce:

I am grateful for 80s dance music.

I appreciate 80s dance music.

There's more abandon in the emotional expression of 'gratitude' in this case. It feels a bit more profound.

Gratitude is actually higher up the emotional vibrational scale - being closer to love and joy. However, when you're down in the dumps, it's a long hill to climb.

The key point to remember: if you're feeling stuck and grumbly, crank up the APPRECIATION vibe, and you'll soon be humming in a happier direction. Who knows, you may even find things to be grateful about too.

To your success.

Make The Decision

It's week #6 on the Body Transformation Challenge and my waist is tinier by 6cm and the pants are loose and baggy. I'm eating plenty and I am exercising consistently - so no radical starvation routine here.

So what's the secret?

I've tried to lose weight before. Many times. I even ran six marathons in the process! But I never really achieved my ideal fitness level. Why? I never really 'decided' to. Until now.

I wished, I wanted, I fretted. But I never made the decision. The burn-all-bridges, never-look-back kind of decision.

But here's the kicker - the decision was NOT about losing weight.

The decision was about STOPPING and STARTING.

I decided to STOP feeling bad about my body. I decided I to START feeling good instead.

I got sick and tired of the negative gremlin droning away about the size, shape, and lumpiness of various body parts. I decided it was enough energy and time wasted. Enough beating myself up. Enough jealousy and longing for everything to be smaller, slimmer, smoother. Enough guilt over drinking too much, eating too much. Enough struggle over about feeling deprived if I did show some 'discipline'.

I decided I was over the whole 'struggle' thing.

So I decided to FEEL different. And if I wanted to FEEL different, I needed to THINK in a different way.

By making THIS decision - to think and feel different BEFORE any results happened - has been the key difference.

I felt liberated when I started the program because I was leaving behind all that heavy thinking (and thus the heavy body). I felt good - finally - about who I was and the choices I was making.

Sticking to the plan has been relatively easy because I feel like I am on a one-way highway and the scenery all looks great - it's one joyous moment after another. The body shifting shape is just an added bonus of the freedom and deliciousness I feel as a result of my new thoughts and focus.

So what decision do you need to make about feeling good? What are you tired of? What thoughts have you had enough of?

With all my heart I wish you the courage to make the decision now - today - the rest will take care of itself.

To a life you love to live.

Making Peace With What 'Is'

How far do you have to go before you hit your rock bottom?

It's different for everyone. Some people have to be penniless and on the streets, others on their deathbed, still others need to be completely friendless and miserable before they choose something different.

The point is, you don't need to go THAT low before you decide to feel better. You don't need the radical plunges near the abyss like Tony Robbins or Joe Vitale when they went broke before they had their breakthrough.

Honestly, the 'breakdown before the breakthrough' thing is completely over-rated.

I prefer slight discomfort to radical pain to prompt a change in direction. It's like the difference between sitting on a thumb tack and getting your butt blown out of the water; I'll take the thumb tack any day.

But this isn't an easy lesson. At least it wasn't for me. I had to get cancer before I got real about my life and my choices.

I'm hoping you have a lower threshold for struggle and frustration before you let go and shift into flow and feel-good mode.

Here's the tip: if you are struggling, frustrated, trying really hard and getting nowhere, bitter, peeved, ready to tear your hair out, then you are wasting your energy.

You don't get what you want by feeling bad and trying harder.

You only get what you want by feeling good and doing what feels good.

The fastest way to crack the "I feel bad, I better try harder to change my circumstances" cycle is to make peace with your life as it is now.

How do you do THAT?

Find something to appreciate - anything - about your current circumstances.

Don't like your hair? What's good about it - the colour? It's curl? The volume? the fact that you have some?

Don't like your in-laws? What's good about them? At least they are there to babysit from time to time.

Your mother drives you crazy? What can you learn from her? She's there to remind you of what not to do. And to teach you tolerance, acceptance, and patience.

Constantly broke? Do you need to change your language? You can't be THAT broke if you are reading this - you have access to a computer -you have something that less than 5% of the world has. What's good about being broke? It shows you that what you really want is an abundance of prosperity.

So what's good about where you are right now? If 'nothing' is your first answer, then try again - what might be good about where you are right now?

And that my friends is how you make peace with what 'is'.

And from there you stop fighting the Universe and let it deliver all the things you've been waiting for.

Appreciation is a pure form of love - and love is the language of the universe. Let it in!

Or as the Beatles say, "Let it be".

To a life you love to live.

How to Define And Measure Success - complimentary teleclass

COMPLIMENTARY CALL - YOU'RE INVITED!

Inner Circle Exclusive Strategy Session

How To Define and Measure Success

Friday October 2nd 10am Canberra (Thursday 1 October 8pm NY)

There were so many questions on success in my most recent survey, I set up an open Inner Compass community call on the topic. Inner Circle Gold members will still receive the CD and notes of the call.

Non-members can order this separately.

These are some of the questions we'll clarify in the call:

• At what point can one claim to be successful?
• I want to know how I define and measure success and then work towards that.
• How do you deal with a change in the definition of success depending on your life stage? For example, I had been a very focussed career person but am now struggling with success in my career versus success at home now that I've got two toddlers.
• Does everyone have it in them to be a success?
• Do we need to work with someone to assist us to be successful?
• How do we measure success? I'm still struggling financially, everyone is talking about paper qualifications - is it the benchmark for success?

Sign up for this class here - it's complimentary. And yes! I am recording it if you can't make it live:

http://www.innercompass.com.au/content/view/355/67/

The Role of Tension in Success

Old school coaching use to teach set a goal, make a plan, follow through, and you'll achieve success.

Sounds logical.

But it's a struggle! Action alone is not enough. It's got to be action from the right mental and emotional outlook. Action taken with a mis-aligned energy vibration is like pushing the proverbial poop uphill: possible, but messy and awkward.

What you need most of all in your aspirations for achievement is TENSION.

This is how it works:

• Imagine and focus on what you would like to be, do, or have;
• Feel those feelings now in a real and intense way; and
• Let go of those thoughts and be present and appreciative now.

This is the state of MANIFESTATIONAL ANTICIPATION, or TENSION for short.

It's the state of delighted expectation and eager anticipation for what is coming while simultaneously appreciating and being at peace with your current circumstances.

• Like how I look forward to my slim, taught, lean figure while at the same time enjoying my current health, flexibility, strength and general sense of well-being;
• Like how I am excited to refresh and create new directions in my business while congratulating myself on seven years of Inner Compass creations;
• Like how I love the idea of my beachside house and at the same time really appreciate the convenience of my home in leafy Canberra.

Feeling good about the future and feeling good about the present creates a vortex of feel-good which is very, very attractive and powerful.

This is also making peace with the present while dreaming and creating a new future for yourself.

See how this works?

Let me just show you the alternative approach:

• I want a slim body and can't stand my cellulite;
• I am focused on creating new business and am frustrated by the amount of work needed to turn it around;
• I am in love with the beach and wonder when we are ever going to make the move.

The feel good of the desire is trampled by the frustration and negativity when focused on the negative aspects of current circumstances.

It's a subtle and important distinction.

And it also takes practise!

So practise finding things to appreciate around you now - today - regardless of what you've been telling yourself about your life to date. Nothing changes until you change your focus, your thoughts, and hence your vibrational message and point of attraction.

2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate? YOU!

To a life you love to live.

Talk To Yourself

Where do you get your certainty from? Do you remember what it's like to feel absolute certainty - about you, your role, your job, your life? Does that certainty feel good?

If the answer to those questions is 'no', then it's time you started talking to yourself - in a very deliberate way. Not in a crazy person kind of way - muttering away to yourself as you shuffle down the street - you don't want to frighten people!

But just as you are deliberate in what you wear, what you eat (ok - most of the time deliberate!), be deliberate in how you talk to yourself. This is how you create certainty in your beliefs, and thus in your results.

Certainty comes out of repeated thoughts - beliefs - that come to resonate in every cell of your body. Like how you know the sun will rise very day, water flows downhill, bulbs bloom in spring, money is elusive, Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player ever...

Hang on a minute - 'money is elusive' is the same as 'water flows downhill'? Yes - if you believe it's true.

And here's the crux of the matter - certainty does NOT come from evidence in the external world - it comes from our expectations. Our expectations seek out evidence. And our expectations are crafted from repeated thoughts.

So just like you repeatedly think and expect the sun to rise, so it does. The same for money - if you think it is elusive and believe that thought - so it is so - our brains seek the evidence, and the evidence always turns up.

If you changed your thoughts, your focus - you would get different evidence. This starts by talking to yourself - with deliberate intent.

So if you expect each day at work to be a struggle, so it is. Try changing the way you talk to yourself:"Today is a new day with the possibility of change and discovery. Today I look for things are going right at work. Today I appreciate that I have a job and that it helps me to meet my obligations. Today I start by having an intention to feel good throughout the day. Today I focus on how I feel, rather than what I am producing or achieving. Today I am just giving myself a break from performing."

Start being your own cheersquad, coach, and mentor. If it helps, imagine having a conversation with someone you admire and respect, and ask them for advice.

Mutter on, friends!

To a life you love to live.

Are You Noticing?

I get this question all the time: 'how do I manifest faster?'

First, you are always manifesting. It's the law - the law of energy is attracted to energy of like vibration.

Second, to attract what you want, you need to be in vibrational resonance with the thing you want - you need to feel the feelings you would feel once the manifestation occurs.

Third, if you are asking, 'how can I manifest faster?' your emotional resonance is with the absence of the thing you want, not with the presence of thing you want.

So in answer to your question - how do I manifest faster - the easiest and fastest way to get in resonance is to start noticing the fabulous things you are already manifesting (rather than being distracted by worrying about what you haven't yet manifested).

Start noticing:

• Like how I was upgraded - without asking, and for free - to a fantastic room overlooking the ocean. It was blissfully inspiring.
• Like when I realised that I'd forgotten to pack my trousers, that my outfits still matched (plus I looked hot -hee hee). I love my stylist!
• Like how the networking session I ran for the group was a hit and provided some good laughs. Plus the nice compliments from participants bolstered my sense of achievement and connection - I LOVE training and facilitating!
• Like how my I-Phone (miracle of technology) keeps providing me with ease and access to my business while traveling - AND I am still discovering new ways of using it that are awesome.
• Like how the two staff at the Qantas desk were so helpful, friendly and accommodating (on a Friday afternoon!) and managed to give us a free switch to an earlier, direct flight (instead of hanging out for 7 hours trying to get home).

The story could have been very different: the hotel screwed up my vegetarian offer and served ham in my dinner. I forgot my trousers and had to wear pantyhose (scourge of womankind) and heels for two days. I didn't cover everything in my session that I wanted to and the powerpoint part was a bit boring. There is so much to learn in technology with the Iphone and wireless access and all manner of crazy things - it's overwhelming. Got home at 9pm on a Friday - weekend felt half over already.

Notice the difference? I do just reading it! Same events, different stories, totally different vibe. Different vibe means different point of attraction. And personally I want more of the good stuff - more upgrades, more positive feedback, more friendly airport staff, more technology that works!

So if you want more of the good stuff, start noticing.

To a life you love to live.

The Cusp of Responsibility

There was a point in my self-development when I realised that I was completely 100% responsible for everything I experienced in my life.

The reaction went something like this:

"I create and attract everything I experience. Holy guacamole! I'm responsible for all this?! Bad relationship, stress, no money, cancer?!"

It's a lot easier to feel that we are victims of fate - tossed on the waves of the universe's whim. It's so much easier to blame someone - anyone - and something - anything - for what is happening to you.

Isn't it?

It is easier.

Except that it feels like crap.

Feeling powerless is just, well, so disempowering!

This point is what I call the Cusp of Responsibility.

When you really get that you create everything - I mean everything - you experience - then this can be an overwhelming realisation. All the good stuff -AND all the yucky stuff - is entirely up to you.

So the cusp is:

"Wow - I'm responsible - that is just way too scary"

versus

"Wow - I'm responsible - I can make it the way I want it."

On the cusp you can fall in to victim mode and shirk your responsibility - preferring to be led. Fear holds you back - what if you stuff it up?

Or you can be the leader of your own life - deliberately choosing and creating your own experiences, reactions, and energy. You are accountable for everything - good and bad.

It's the fear of being accountable for the bad stuff that keeps folks nailed to the poop deck instead of in the captain's seat.

So what can you do to slip over the cusp into leading your own life?

It's matter of emotional focus:

Courage. Faith. Love. Resilience. Hope. Excitement. Enthusiasm. A wild sense of adventure that sees you embracing life as a surging river to be ridden whooping and hollering - fully present and engaged - forever pointed downstream, savouring the twists, turns, drops as well as the placid pools and eddies.

Good feelings = good leadership = good life.

Get into it!

To a life you love to live!