3 Secrets For An Awesome Relationship

Seems to be the season for relationship break downs around here. I've got a few friends moving like molasses through the pain of separation. I am sad for them, and yet I know there is good stuff lying in wait around the corner.

For my husband Rob, who is a divorce lawyer, and who was divorced himself before we met, it's always the season, day in day out. I figured if anyone might know the secrets to a good relationship, it might be him - someone who sees what doesn't work every day. 

Plus I've been told many times over that our marriage is the source of much inspiration for others. We have a GREAT relationship! So here are some insights from our respective experiences.

1. "Families who play together stay together." This is Rob's #1 top secret to a successful relationship. What he means is that you enjoy each other's company, that you have some common interests, that you have adventures together. That's why we go on skiing trips, go body boarding in the surf, go running together, watch movies, play with the chickens and hang out together. We like each other's company.

2. Enjoy your respective 'boy time' and 'girl time'. We hang out together, but we don't live our lives in each other's pockets. Rob plays tennis with the boys on Wednesdays and Sundays and I get facials, massages, and this weekend I'm going for high tea with the girls. Bring it on. 

3. You don't divorce your best friend. Rob asked me, 'how many times in your life have you ditched a best friend?' Stumped me. My closest friends are still my closest friends, even though we are continents apart and don't see each other often. There's a sense of unconditional support and appreciation, a non-judgment of best friends that holds the relationship together. Apply this to your own intimate relationship.

I promised you three, but I'm on a roll now, so here are a few more:

4. Always speak your truth. If something is niggling, bring it up. Do this before your head explodes with all the imagined responses and twists and excuses and other crapola that your imagination can drum up.

5. Acknowledge that you are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Sure it's easier to be around someone who is tip toeing through the tulips every day, but you cannot make them happy - they have to do that for themselves. You can't love someone enough to make them happy. They've got to do that - from the inside out. Your job is to tend your own happiness, your own focus, your own emotional vibration - that is something YOU can control, so focus on that. Bonus: your joie  de vivre will tend to rub off on others.

6.Stop needing them to change. Are there things about Rob's behaviour I don't like? Sure. Like when he leaves the toilet seat up. Grrrr... He says, "I put the lid down as much as much as you close the door to the outside when the heater is on." So if you're going to point fingers, they get pointed back. Focus instead on appreciating what you do like - like the way he brings me flowers from the office every Friday. I LOVE that!

7.Create your own rituals, inside secrets, and family culture. All the examples I can think of are adults-only. Except for maybe the 'tea top up' command which means, "please can you show me  that you love me by filling up my tea cup and really I am too lazy to do it for myself" or singing the 'clean-up song' we learned from my niece's day care as the signal for, 'let's do this boring task together and make it fun by acting like two-year olds'. (Did that sound as dorky as I think it does? Well I guess that's the point - we give ourselves permission to act a little like dorks and have some fun together, even with the mundane daily tasks).

8. Tell each other why you love each other, and why you like each other. Saying 'I love you' and then following it with 'because...' keeps the juicy parts of your relationship alive and fresh and bubbling. Kind of like a sourdough starter - you've got to keep feeding it.

9. Love you, and your life, on your own. You do not need anything or anyone or anywhere to make you feel good. All you need is the power of your focus, the direction of your attention. And the more you can do that, for yourself, in any given circumstances, the more you'll feel free. You'll fill with the joys of spring and every day will glisten with weekend delight. You will radiate compassion and sexiness and mojo galore. You'll be so filled with love that you will overflow with it, inviting others to play at your party. And that will fill your cup of love even more.

That's a short list - I would LOVE to hear your tips on relationships that rock your socks. Please leave a comment and let me know YOUR secrets.

Me and my honey on a bushwalk

Manifestation Success Stories

I love a good success story! I've had few come in this week, so here's a good one for you.

From Rosey, who sprained her knee recently:

"I was upset for the first day, and did my crying and blaming (myself). But after that, I figured I’d get further by using it as a positive. Instead of being upset by what I can’t do, I just accepted my current reality, and focused on doing what I can in other areas of my life. Like spending more time with Rod, and catching up with friends/family that I haven’t seen/talked to in a while. Also doing some things around the house, like sorting clutter, and long waiting scrapbook-type projects. Beginning (finally!) the Three Pillars program – yay! Focusing on healthier eating. And more time for reading. I even bought a new book to indulge in. Also finally finishing my book project, too! I’ve realized there are lots of ‘other’ things I can do, when I can’t do what I ‘want’ to be doing…

It’s turning out to be a good time for me to reflect and reenergize myself. Also to reassess work, and my work-out goals. Seems like a time of transition, so I’m just going with it. I also know there is a lesson in this for me, since everything happens for a reason. I’m just glad it’s only a sprained knee, and nothing more serious. It’s my second injury in two years, so maybe it’s time to slow down a little on the sports front and put more effort into other fronts. Will see how that goes.

Wow, sounds like I’ve been influenced by a life coach along the way??!!

About Rod… He is really great! We’ve been dating nearly 4 months now, and he may actually be a keeper! Finally, here is a man who is everything on my ‘list’ – it’s like I conjured him up myself! LOL! And I probably did… its funny… but this winter I was doing some affirmations, and one day decided to put a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that says “I want to fall in love and get married…” I saw that on Oprah, Louise Hay was talking about putting sticky notes on your mirror for what you REALLY want… And that is what I REALLY want… Well, it wasn’t more than one month later I met Rod off a dating website – he happened to be the LAST man I communicated with before deleting my profile (which I did before I even met him)… And it was just before my 40^th birthday too – I always told myself I want to meet “my man” before I turned 40… So there he is. I think he is my man. And we have fallen in love. And he wants to marry me. Although for me, it’s a little too soon to say “yes” – but everyday he says “let me know when you want to get married” and he’ll propose…

Yes, he’s for real!

I’ve been meaning to tell you about him, because you wanted to hear stories of the Law of Attraction in action… Well, there’s a good one for you!"

Thanks Rosey!

How Nadia found a man with the Law of Attraction

My good friend 'Nadia' spent 7 years of her life waiting for her partner to evolve in to the man she truly desired. She spent many mornings crying in to her keyboard after yet another night arguing with her partner over getting married and having babies. She wanted it, he did not. She also wanted more lovin'. He didn't. It was a classic tale of what we resist, persists. Nadia tried so hard to change the relationship, change her guy, that nothing ever really changed. She focussed a lot on what she did not want, rather than on what she DID want. Ugh. It was a long saga.

The good news is that she finally got serious about what she truly desired. She decided she wanted a loving relationship with plenty of freedom, passion, and adventure. She wrote a list of must-haves: cute, intelligent, independent, wealthy, good body, loves to ski. And guess what? She found him. A totally Gorgeous Hunk, with every inch of the criteria and more. He was sensitive, insightful, supportive, and just fabulous really.

It was not all plain sailing of course. There was plenty of resistance there from Nadia as she sorted out whether or not she truly did want this, letting go of the lost opportutnity with guy #1, and worrying about 'what if'. After a year of two of reaffirming her desires, and finiding them expressed time and time again in Gorgeous Hunk, she finally came to accept that this was indeed her wish come true. They were married recently.Their bridal waltz was George Michael's "Freedom'. Very apt.

Fairy tale? Sounds a little like it. The work is always about getting clear around your intentions, and then releasing the resistance. Releasing the resistance is always the hardest part. Simple, not always easy.

Working with a Law of Attraction coach to help you release faster and easier will bring you closer to your intentions more quickly. You too can live your fairy tale romance, if only you choose it to be so.

Law of Attraction and how to find a man

Let's face it ladies, this is one thing we would rather have known when we were younger, much younger.

Many of us end up with whoever turns up, instead of the man we'd truly desire.

So if you are still single, then hurray! You still have the opportunity to manifest Mr Perfect.

You do it the same way you'd manifest anything else:

1. Get really crystal clear on what you want. We're talking details - values, hobbies, interests, background, religious beliefs, height, married before or not, kids or not. You've got to figure out what it is you truly desire.

Then identify the NON-NEGOTIABLES. For example, you may decided that he may never, ever hit or abuse you in any way (always a good one to include), or that he must not be a smoker or an alcoholic or a cat lover or whatever it is for you. Maybe he must have a belief in God, or maybe he must have a sense of humour, or maybe he must have gentle hands... whatever! But is has to be something that is essential for you.

2. Write it down. This brings it in to the first phase of concrete form and makes it more real to you.

3. Write a love letter to your future partner, from the future. Say something like: "Dear Sweetie Pie, I am so happy now that we are together. This last year has been fantastic - I really loved it when we went on holiday together and ...." Put lots of details in it, add plenty of emotion it. Really feel like you are writing to your partner and how grateful you are for having him in your life. I did this before I met my husband. I saved the letter for four years and gave it to him on our wedding day. Yes, very romantic!

4. Visualise yourself with this wonderful man. Meditate, visualise, get excited. You need to feel it in every cell of your body that you can and will be with the man of your dreams.

5. Look out for the signs for action. Of course you need to do stuff to help the Universe to cooperate. Go out to parties, tell your friends, accept invitations to dinner, try a new sport. just remember that if it feels like fun, you are on the right track.

5. Don't settle for second best! You DO deserve a wonderful relationship. You CAN have it. KNOW this in every cell and it will manifest for you.

For more good stuff on manifesting men, go to http://www.innercompass.com.au/content/category/7/23/45/