When is "enough is enough"?

"How long are you going to put with this?"

I've asked this of clients who complained of cheating partners, of insubordinate staff, of poor health and body image, of cluttered homes.

This is my favourite question to clients who finish a litany of woes. It's a great circuit breaker.

It's also the crux of the matter.

People will often wait until rock bottom until they do something. Rock bottom varies from heart attacks,  bankruptcy, yet another affair, getting hit one more time, and so on. My rock bottom was cancer. It was a harsh lesson in self-management. I don't want that for you.

In any painful situation you always have two choices:
1. Change how you think about the situation.
2. Change the situation.

Changing how you think takes effort and is not all that easy. This is for when you decide to let go of needing anyone or anything to change, and focus on your own inner dialogue. This is also when you move from victim to being a learner and author of your own life experience. Scary. And empowering.

Changing the situation requires courage. That's why most of us tend to put up with pain and suffering far longer than we need or ought to. It's also a little of 'better the devil you know'. Change is scarier than the miserable status quo.

It's amazing the human capacity for suffering to avoid change - a huge threshold for pain. Much greater than it needs to be or ought to be. We tolerate far too much.

The next most important question after 'how long are you going to put with this?' is, "what is this costing you?"
and then,
"what will it cost you in one year if nothing changes? in five years? in ten?"

When you way up the risk of change with the cost of inaction, it gets pretty clear that doing nothing is the real source of pain.

So when do you cue "enough is enough"?

When you know what your values are, it's clear.

When you have strong boundaries about what is appropriate behaviour and what is not, it's clear.

When you have strong self-esteem, it's clear.

When you know your needs and your personal safety are the most important thing, then it's clear.

When you decide to be captain of your own ship, taking responsibility for everything in your life, then it's clear.

Don't let rock bottom, poverty, a heart attack, depression, and yet another affair, be your trigger for change. Value yourself, your life, and your happiness above all else, and DO something about it.

You deserve and have the right to be happy.

Zoe
p.s. Do you have an inspiring story of when you got to 'enough is enough'? Please share with us in the comments.
p.p.s. Want to increase your Self Mastery so you never get to rock bottom? Learn how to lead with your inner C.O.M.P.A.S.S. here.

How do you turn dog pooh into chocolate cake?

This was a question asked by a client about how to 'make the best of a bad situation'.

Great question. The short answer is - you don't.

Dog pooh is dog pooh. You don't want it. You don't like it. And you certainly don't want to eat it.

'But hang on', I hear you say, deliberate creator's shackles up, 'what we resist persists, right?'

Right.

Only this is not about resisting. It's about re-focusing. It's about using dog pooh as a springboard to get to chocolate cake.

Resistance looks like this: "I don't like this. This is why I don't like it. It makes me feel bad. This dog pooh [substitute job/ relationship/ body/ bank account] is wrong, wrong, wrong. I hate it. I really want something else other than this horrible dog pooh. Gee it stinks.'

This is where you dig into the dog pooh. You've got it all over you and the more you try to get it off your sneaker, the more it grinds stubbornly into the grooves. You are walking, talking dog pooh mess.

So what's one to do about the dog pooh doo-doo?

"I've got to get better at feeling gratitude in this situation," says the client. "Maybe that will help shift things."

Codswallop! If you're neck deep in dog pooh there is no way on Buddha's green earth you are going to find a modicum of gratitude that is genuine. You'd be spitting chips through gritted teeth, at best, and rightfully so.

Gratitude, shmatitude.  Now is not the time for gratitude.

No, my dear readers, the only thing to do when you're swimming in the brown stuff is to wave your appreciation wand.

What can you find to appreciate about the dog pooh bath? If nothing else, it shows you exactly what you DON'T want. Hallelujah - thanks for the clarity.

Appreciation, as compared with gratitude, is an active focus, and one that puts you back in the driver's seat. Gratitude implies a sense of owing someone something. And when it stinks, the only thing  that would make it worse is having to say 'thanks' for the mess.

So appreciate the wahzoo out of the doggy doo doo. It's warm. It reminds you that you are having a very real life experience. It reminds you that you need to do something to get out of the mess. It can be used as fertiliser. Flies will like it. Frogs like flies. And frogs are good!

Once you're down that path you'll notice less and less dog pooh. You'll see more and more flowers. And soon that path will waft with the delicious odour of a sumptuous cake....

Hmmmm...your favourite...chocolate. Now that IS something to feel grateful for.

So boys and girls, that is how you let doggie pooh pooh lead you to chocolate cake.

Zoe



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