How to get dumped

I sat on the beach with my flippers and cried.

I love the surf: love the ocean, the energy the water offers, the thrill of catching an awesome wave. I'm still a newbie with a boogie board, so my limits get tested regularly. This is a good thing: it stretches me to try new things, take a risk, and experience the thrill of riding a mondo wave.

Except for Monday. It didn't all go to plan.

The waves were quite a bit steeper, a lot less predictable, and had a lot more force in them than the day before. I was scared from the outset. The water looked dark and deep, the waves reared up and closed out.

I kept imagining catching one only to get dumped and pinned by the churn. Every time I turned to paddle on a wave, I thought of myself under a wall of water and pulled out of the ride.

With each wave I avoided, the more scared I became.

And of course, as you know, the more energy and focus you invest in something, so it is manifested.

And out of nowhere there was the biggest wave of the day and there I was - in the wrong spot - too far away to dive under, to near to turn and ride the wash. I was picked up and throttled in the churn.

Getting dumped is no fun at all - it's dark, you are utterly powerless, and your breath runs out far sooner than is comfortable.

Eventually I swum to the surface, grabbed my board, and surfed the next break in to shore.

And there I sat on the beach, tears streaming.

Not for the dark throttling I'd just survived, but because I knew it was my fears that held me back: my fears magnified the threat of the waves, my fears prevented me from really having a go, my fears kept me from expanding and growing as a surfer.

And of course, because I was in bit of state, my failure as a surfer felt like a failure as a coach. After all, I know how to dissolve fears, I know how to turn beliefs around, I know how to cut through the stranglehold of paralysing fears. I've done it a ton of times for myself and for my clients, quickly and permanently. Why not now, here in the moment, in real time?

But the body and intuition rule where your mind is not up to the job. And my body was telling me - 'get the hell out of the water! You're not quite up to the job yet.'

I debriefed the dumping with Rob, my husband-cum-coach extraordinaire, where I listed all my failures to really take on the challenge, of playing too small, of not being as brave and gung-ho as my friend Marina (superstar athletic machine)...it all came out - all my petty self-critical worries.

Rob turned to me and said, "those were tough waves. They had no consistent form, they were pretty steep with lots of force. It was tough surfing. And for the record, I think Marina would have gone in too."

And so there it was, the gem to take way from the Big Dumping. It's not that I didn't try (I did), it's not that I wasn't as brave as anyone else (I was brave for me), it's not that I didn't practise what I preached (it's hard to defuse fear when you are getting drowned), it's that I struck out from the shore and was willing to learn.
I learned how to get dumped: for every good ride, there is a dumping that may happen. If it does, roll with it, and let the gratitude for living flood float you to the surface.

After all, there is always another wave to catch.