Waiting for babies

I hardly know how to begin.

My husband and I have been trying for babies since January. We started before the official ok was given by my surgeon following cancer treatment in 2005, but I have since proven to be fine and healthy. So far though, no sign of bambinos.

We're doing all the right things: we eat well, we exercise, we take vitamins, and we are under supervision at a fertility clinic and being told when to 'go for it' (thank goodness they leave the 'how' up to us!). We know that getting pregnant is not without its complexities, especially given my age (37), and my medical history of cervical cancer which involved the removal of the cervix and three months of chemotherapy. The doctor still rates my chances as pretty good as everything else is in good working order.

I have also been doing all of my law of attraction 'stuff' too: vision board with photos of babies, doing EFT, visualisation, and other clearing exercises.

Nothing.

This is definitely a case of trying to force an outcome. I am definitely attached to the outcome! I want to have a baby and I feel time is not on my side. I am invested heavily in all ways in the outcome.

This, of course, is not helping much. Expectations are raised and then dashed every few weeks.

I know where I need to get to: I need to find that place of surrender, of acceptance, of letting go. This is incredibly difficult when I just want to be a mummy. It is a vicious biological and emotional surge.

And yet, this is the only option: finding a place of peace deep inside me. It is the only way if I am going to let go of torment, anxiety, stress, and despair.

So in the smallest of moments I open myself up to peace: in the sunshine splashing the frosty hills, the gentle jingle of the wind chimes, the warm hug of my loving husband. Life is still good. Life is still beautiful. And I can still find delight in all of its incredible wonders.

I know now how hard it is to find this quiet place of acceptance, this place of stillness. It is but a simple choice, but you've got to step over all your ego to get there.

So if you're struggling with disappointments - like maybe your business did not make the sales you wanted, or your grades at university fell short, or your life partner still hasn't shown up, just give yourself a break. Life is lived only in moments, so give yourself a chance to feel good in some of them now. Everything else will unfold as it will.

Best to all of you,
Zoe