Death on a Sunday: what's the calling?

Ok guys this is a tough post. I've been having some really intense emotional experiences thee last few weeks and blowing up appliances with my crazy vibe: first it was the web browser, then the printer started streaking, then the hair dryer sparked and burned my jumper, and now my entire shopping cart is suspended - no buttons work at all.

Whats been going on? IVF round #2 has been canceled because on one of my regular cancer checks there were some suspicious cancer cells that 'required further investigation'.

I'd like to say I took it all in my stride and sailed through the experience, but I didn't.

I freaked out. I was scared, I cried. A lot. I lost my mojo.

But then I turned my boat around a little. I listened to plenty of Abrham-Hicks, and the CDs from Ali Brown and David Neagle. I got back in to my truth. I medidtated, I consulted my Goddess cards. I had baths. I relaxed, appreciated, and got in the flow.

And how's this for synchronicity? In the middle of this I delivered a "MindPower for Health and Healing" teleclass for my Inner Circle group. This was scheduled well before the cancer checks - I had no idea I would need this call as much as my members.

By the time I got to the hospital for the surgery and 'further investigations', I felt confident that I would be fine, that I was fine, that I was healthy. I just knew it.

And I was. The results came back with good news. Sort of. The biopsy showed nothing, but the second pap smear showed the same weird cells. So everything seems ok, but we'll re-test in six weeks.

It reminds me of what David Neagle says in the Cds - there are always two things existing simulatenously in any one subject - the thing you desire, and the absence of the thing you desire. There is no dark and light - there is only light, and the absence of light. Our job is to focus on things we desire to bring it in to being.

So as I sit with these funny cells, the potential is always there - health, or the absence of health. I know what I choose.

And then the big whammy from this weekend.

On Sunday, I went to the finish line of the local Canberra Times fun run to meet Rob. One minute after I got there, a man was racing to the finish line and collapsed in front of me. People were stepping over him and I realised "this guy is not ok".

I went over to him and looked in to his face. He was breathing, eyes open, conscious but unresponsive. I rolled him on to his side in case he vomited. Someone else took his pulse. I knew he had pulse because he was still breathing.

A woman ran up, "that's my husband, that's my husband". "It's ok" was all I could manage as I cradled the man's head.

Then the First Aid guys arrived and they took over. I put up my umbrella to shelter them from the driving rain. The man had gone all quiet.

More First Aid guys arrived and pulled a tarp over us. They gave him oxygen. I left the tarp to go the man's wife. She was there with her ten year old boy and their one year old little girl.

I put my arm around her and felt her heart beating like a wild caged bird under her 'holding it together' exterior.

As the rain came down and I tried to make small talk to distract them, I heard the First Aid guys say, "he's gone in to arrest". They started CPR.

As I stood with the man's terrified wife, I felt swept up in a current of I don't know what. Everywhere there were people carrying on with the fun run while a man lay under a green tarp.

Eventually an ambulance came and the First Aid guy led the woman and her children away.

I left to find Rob. He was fine.

The man who was just 28 years old was unable to be revived.

I was devastated. Confused. Sad. Sad for the little boy, the little girl, and the young woman whose lives were upside down. And for the man who at 28 probably did not expect to eat his last brekkie, or lie on the wet green lawn for the last time.

I am still not myself.

What do you make of an experience where you are the last person someone sees before they move back in to the Universal flow? I just hope he felt the love that came through me as I bent over him, sheltering him from the rain, that he heard the words, "I'm here to help".

Everyone dies. Not everyone gets to choose when or where or how soon. If anything good comes from this experience it serves as reminder to me that every single day is precious, that the people you love are precious, and nothing is more important than you choose to live every moment fully expressed.

That's what I am taking from this as the tears flow. I was there for this stranger in his last moments, and I am glad that some love passed to him, and gave him some comfort.

And if you are reading this, I hope you hear the message too - it's a call to live, it's a call to love. Today. Now.

Sneding you many blessings,

Zoe

Somewhere peaceful