And then whammo! I got knocked out. I woke a little uninspired, a little unmotivated, a little ho-hum. Still feeling good, but not great. And then I got news my friend had her first baby! Yay! Great news! I felt delighted for them.
And then I felt miserable for me and Rob. "It's not fair we don't get to have a baby." Tears, the whole lot.
Sheesh. I kind of thought I was over this story!
And all the while I was thinking, "Are you really going to let stories and circumstances dictate how you feel? You should be grateful just to be alive - remember you had cancer! Arren't you grateful for your life - I mean, it's pretty awesome isn't it?"
Beating myself up for feeling bad - good one! And so I just cried a little more, great rivers of mascara dripping over my white skirt.
So what do you do when you feel rotten, and you don't want to feel rotten anymore? You want to get back to feeling awesome?
Here's what I did:
1. I cleaned something. Nothing like the sight of a sparkly bathroom tap to shift in to 'satisfaction' (so much better than self-pity!)
2. I gave myself permission to do whatever I wanted, not what I 'should' be doing. And right then it was surfing facebook.
3. Hung out with the chooks. Life is pretty simple as a chicken: scratch, peck, preen, repeat. It's pretty basic and it reminds me that 'this too shall pass' and being alive is enough gift in itself.
4. All is well. Really, all is well. I am breathing, I have a roof over my head, loving husband, health, friends, great computer, ... And then I was back in the Vortex.
We can all get so attached to our old stories of 'woe is me' and 'ain't it awful', and all they do is make us feel crappy. They serve no purpose whatsoever, except to point out how much better it is to feel good and appreciative.
Some stories are easier to let go of than others, but with practise it gets easier.
I'd love to hear your tips for changing stories and getting back into the Vortex. Please share in the comments :)
Hey Zoe!
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading this I'm feeling the idea of 'cleaning out' in order to tell the new story really strongly, and not just from the sparkling taps :)
You gave yourself the room to have some grieving and tantrum time and that was the beginning of cleaning.
All of the vibe shifters after that swept away the remnants of that old story vibe to allow finding the place to tell the all is well story.
Step by step, especially with some of our more entrenched stories, to clean out the old seems to be an easier way to embrace a new story.
Lots of love to you! Jody
Hi Zoe,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post. Just what I needed to hear today.
Not having a family can sometimes send me to the pits of despair. When I'm in that place, feeling grateful for what I have doesn't seem to always help. That said, I am grateful for the incredible nephew I have. I am grateful for my friend who is letting me stay with her (I don't have a regular income or home right now). And, I am resentful that I don't have children, afterall, I dove into my childhood wounds so I could be the kind of mother I wanted to be and after 3 miscarriages... All my ex's have children now... I'm almost 53, single again, no home... The story-yikes! The resentment eats away at me so I do what works best for me. I cry my eyes out then I open "A Course In Miracles". I connect with kids (not babies) when I can. I listen to music that changes my vibe. I don't deny my emotions but I remind myself that "my emotions have no power over me." That helps me regain my strength and sense of "well-being."
Zoe, much love, peace, & joy to you.
Barbara
Hi Jody - I love how you linked the de-cluttering to cleaning out old stories -I hadn't made that connection! But it's a good one! When you clear out the old in the physical space, it really does make room for so much energy and so many new good things to come in to your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your contribution!
Hi Barbara, sounds like you are in tough spot girl! I think it's perfectly ok to be p**ed off and angry and hurt. Just feel it all, boots and all, swollen eyes and drippy nose too - and then it passes. It's such energy pouring through you. Personally I find it too difficult to move to 'gratitude' from peeved and resentful. It's just too far of a stretch vibrationally - the frequencies are just too far apart! It's like going from sub-zero to the tropics- there's bound to be some 'shock' and resistance in it! I find I get resentful of trying to be grateful Not a fabulous vibe ;)
ReplyDeleteI try and reach for 'relief' (which sounds like what you are doing with the reading, the music). Relief brings a little more ease and resentment can back off a little. You don't need to go all the way up to joy, just seek that little door crack of relief. Sometimes that feels just good enough to help me sleep better:)
I've worked out there are many ways to 'mother' - not just with your biological children - like the way I nurture my chooks, or my clients, or my readers, or the land, the garden. That helps me to stay present and happy, and to drop the 'story' of what it means not to have biological kids.
Thank you so much for sharing your story - and I look forward to the new one as you start to tell it fresh.
Much love and peace and joy straight back to you :)
Zoe
Thanks for sharing this process, Zoe. It's somehow comforting to know I'm not the only one who falls in those holes.
ReplyDeleteMy fastest way out of the hole and into the Vortex is playing with my dog. A long walk on the beach can do it, and so can a long soak in the jetted tub. And sometimes I need to get up and sing and dance.
And sometimes I wallow for a little longer. ;)
But then Ducky picks up a toy .....
Hi Ande! I love the sound of jetted tub and walks on the beach are always awesome! Right now a romantic trip to the mountains us doing wonders too.
ReplyDeleteZoe