I burned my diaries

I've kept a diary since I was 13. That's 24 years of secrets, woe, worry, disaster, and angst. At least that's what it felt like reading them again a few months ago.

The Grade 9 diary was the first (and last one) I tackled. Apparently I had a mad crush on this guy 'Kelly' who was in Grade 11. He featured on many a dreamy page. His name was doodled everywhere. I was very diligent in recording every scrap of information about him. I even noted the rumor that Kelly had told his buddies he thought that the 'crazy girl in Grade 9' was stalking him. My diary rebuffs this with great indignation. (But it was probably true - 15 year old girl with romantic delusions - sounds like obsession to me).

Anyway it turns out Kelly developed a drinking problem while trying to be 'cool' around the 'in' kids. I met up with him a few years later in a bar when we were both adults and much more mature. Except he was still drinking and I thought he was a complete tosser. So long Kelly.

By the time I finished reading the diary I was sad, perplexed, bemused, and had relived all that terrible emotional roller coaster of teenage life. Who needs to be a teenager more than once?!

I put the box of diaries back in my closet. For the next few months I waited for some inspiration to go back and read the rest of them. I had kept them all this time thinking they would be a good source of material for future writing. A memoir perhaps for my grandchildren.

Inspiration never came. The box just sat there looking heavy.

The past, as captured in those diaries, was heavy. Those notebooks kept me anchored there, back in all those yucky emotions. (Why didn't I ever write about the good stuff?!) Besides, if I was going to write a memoir, it was going to be a memory. And memories are just that - whatever you imagine them to be.

Pulling out the first few pages felt strange. I had a queasy stomach. After that it got easier and pretty soon the fire was roaring. I hesitated over two old love letters. I couldn't quite get rid of them. I sat there and did nothing but relive the old relationship and wonder 'what if' and 'if only'. Nostalgia? Regret? Whatever it was, it felt pretty terrible.

But the past and future are just fantasies after all. Why not create them in a way that feels good?

The diaries had to go. The love letters had to go.

And you know what? It felt really good to let that old love rest in peace. Now I can remember it just the way I want - a happy ending for everyone.

Elephants and tigers, oh my!

A happy kitty at Dubbo Zoo

I've never really liked zoos. The whole concept of locking wild animals up for the viewing pleasure of gawking tourists seemed rather inhumane to me. Unnatural. Surely the animals would be better off where they were, in their natural habitat, running free, doing what animals do.

Now before you go all conservationist on me, I've actually come to realise there is some value in giving mother nature a helping hand, especially where us old lumbering humans have gone and trashed the natural habitat. Did you know, for instance, there are only 500 Sumatran tigers left in the whole world? Forests and jungles have been razed for industry and expansion. No more tigers seems a shame, a much bigger shame than locking them up in a restricted pen.

Happy Sumatran kitty

On a recent visit to the Dubbo zoo, I had another revelation. These animals seemed really happy. After all, they had no predators to worry about, they had all their basic needs met - food, shelter, even a bit of lovin' from a well-sourced mate. What was there to be grumpy about? A small roaming territory seemed insignificant compared with the alternative of constant struggle to hunt for food, fend off attackers , subdue rivals, and generally live a life of survival and fear. The lesson for me was, 'Roll around in someone else's patch of grass before you call it a dud'. A zoo life could be a fabulous life.


Isn't it interesting that we are always judging other people's bit of grass? Just like me finding the zoo too restrictive and cruel at first, haven't you found yourself thinking things like, "he should get a better job," or "why do they live in that suburb?", or "she really needs a new boyfriend." I mean really, who we are to judge? How do we ever know what's best for someone else? Besides, if we spend all our time worrying about other people's patch of grass, who's minding ours?

Yes sirree, I'm quite happy minding my own little patch.


Now if people want help re-landscaping their patch, and ask for it, that's a whole different story. My job then as a loving friend, neighbour, or coach is to help them design a life that is totally cool for them. A sounding board is quite different to a sledgehammer.

Here's to peaceful grazing where the sun shines.

Friday: creating for peace

Zoe at Square Rock. It is so quiet out in the bush in the winter!

Last day of the week and we're meant to be creative! What was Deepak thinking?! Luckily it is not too onerous.

Here is today's task for peace:

"Today, come up with at least one creative idea to resolve a conflict, either in your personal life or your family circle or among friends. If you can, try and create an idea that applies to your community, the nation, or the whole world. You may change an old habit that isn't working, look at someone a new way, offer words you never offered before, or think of an activity that brings people together in good feeling and laughter."

Hey! Make sure you have a good weekend.

Thursday: Acting for peace

Nothing like nature's grand canvas to bring on that sense of 'aaaaahhhh'

A short one for today from Mr Chopra:

"Today is the day to help someone in need: a child, a sick person, an older or frail person. Help takes many forms.

Tell yourself,

Today I will bring a smile to a stranger's face. If someone acts in a hurtful way to me or someone else, I will respond with a gesture of loving kindness. I will send an anonymous gift to someone, however small. I will offer help without asking for gratitude of recognition."

Feels good to peaceful.

Wednesday: Speaking for peace

How is your week of peace going? The sun came out for me today and right now I have the luscious smell of jonquils filling my office...lovely!


Here is Deepak's wisdom for Wednesday:

"Today the purpose of speaking is to create happiness in the listener. [Zoe's note: how cool is that thought?!] Have this intention: Today every word I utter will be chosen consciously. I will refrain from complaints, condemnation, and criticism.

Your practice is to do at least one of the following:

• Tell someone how much you appreciate them.
• Express genuine gratitude to those who have helped you and love you.
• Offer healing or nurturing words to someone who needs them.
• Show respect to someone whose respect you value.

If you find that you are reacting negatively to anyone, in a way that isn't peaceful, refrain from speaking and keep silent. Wait to speak until you feel centered and calm, and then speak with respect."

Life is grand, isn't it?

Tuesday: feeling for peace

More from Deepak, coolest dude ever. From the book, Peace is the Way.

"This is the day to experience the emotions of peace. The emotions of peace are compassion, understanding, and love.

Compassion is the feeling of shared suffering. When you feel someone else's suffering, there is birth of understanding.

Understanding is the knowledge that suffering is shared by everyone. When you understand that you aren't alone in your suffering, there is the birth of love.

When there is love there is opportunity for peace.

As your practice, observe a stranger some time during your day. Silently say to yourself, This person is just like me. Like me, this person has experienced joy and sorrow, despair and hope, fear and love. Like me, this person has people in his or her life who deeply care about him or her. Like me, this person's life is impermanent and will one day end. This person's peace is as important as my peace. I want peace, harmony, laughter, and love in his or her life and the life of all beings."

Yeah. Dig it.

Monday: Thinking for peace

I dig Deepak Chopra.

If you've ever listened to any of his tapes, you'll know what I mean: intelligent, insightful, complex, playful. This guy has a deep and powerful knowledge of the world. I mean of the way things are. He practices ayurvedic medicine and has long espoused the deep connection between mind and body. Healing is a holistic experience.

Deepak also has a lot to say about humanity. I've just read Deepak Chopra's Peace is the Way: Bringing war and violence to an end. This book struck a deep and resonant chord with me. In it he outlines the philosophical and scientific rationale behind the possibility of creating world peace. It is not a pipe dream. It is a possibility. It can be a reality.

How then can we do this? it all begins with the individual. If enough individuals live, breathe, and meditate for peace, there will be a critical mass where more people are for peace than there are those who are for war and conflict. Cool, huh?!

Deepak offers a daily practice that you can adopt immediately to live in peace.

Here is Monday's peace job, quoted directly from the book:

"Thinking has power when it is backed by intention. Today, introduce the intention of peace in your thoughts. Take a few moments of silence, then repeat this prayer:

Let me be loved, let me be happy, let me be peaceful.
Let my friends be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let my perceived enemies be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let all things be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let the whole world experience these things.

If any time during the day you are overshadowed by fear or anger, repeat these intentions. Use this prayer to get back on center."

It feels good, doesn't it? No better reason than that to simply have a go.

Happy peace making!